BlackwoodBlog

Christmas letter 2010

2010-12-17T20:20:00.000-08:00

Wow. And we thought 2009 was a bad year! To settle it once and for all, no, you were not cut from the Christmas card list last year (ok, dad?). During this time last year, we felt that 2009 had been a tough year for us and couldn’t find the humor for our Christmas Card. HAHAHAHAHA, oh, how funny things can be in prospective. This year, we are going to focus on the positives. I am on glass (bottle?) two and on the first paragraph. This should be interesting…

Well somehow James and I have been able to raise one of the sweetest most selfless little girls on the planet. Her friend Jasmyn had been going through chemo treatments for 18 months so she decided to cut her very long hair in June. She is enjoying her shorter hair but really does not like it when the mom’s tell her she has the same haircut that they do (it is a very popular cut!). She is also loosing teeth at an astronomical rate which is both exciting and entirely gross at the same time. At any given time, her smile can be compared to the lovely women in the Tenderloin district looking for a man named John. As we watch our little girl turn into a big kid, we have learned a lot as parents. The main thing that we have learned is that the tooth fairy assigned to 102 Bampton Ct can’t seem to get her %$#@ together every time Alyssa looses a tooth. In the tooth fairy’s defense, I must say that Alyssa has this very unusual habit of loosing her teeth at about 10pm at night causing lots of “miscommunication” to occur between the Blackwood house and Tooth Fairy land. I feel like I need to sit the main tooth fairy down and have her execute a memo regarding what is and is not expected when handling the tooth versus cash transaction. All the tooth fairies really need to be on the same page regarding the tooth/cash transaction and the current value each tooth has in today’s market. For instance, Alyssa came home and said “Suzie is really mad because she has never got 20 dollars for a tooth before, but she gets fairy sprinkle dust on her dollar. And Megan is mad because she has never got 20 dollars for a tooth before AND she doesn’t get a dollar with fairy dust on it, but she gets a gold coin under her pillow when she looses a tooth”. I then have to explain the reason she got 20 dollars for the tooth was because her tooth fairy forgot three days in a row to stop by, and on the 4th day when she finally remembered, she realized that a $20 bill was all that she had and when she kept texting her neighbor fairies, they would not answer their damn phone, so she got lucky and scored 20 bucks out of it. The reason there was not fairy dust was due to the major fairy dust shortage that is going on in fairy land which is equivalent to the energy crisis that blares on tv every day. As far as the gold coin, to be quite frank, our tooth fairy didn’t even know the U.S. government issued legal gold coins. Plus it was tooth number 4, and EVERYBODY knows that when you lose your 4th tooth, that is the most special one and that is why she received the coveted $20 bill.

When our time is not devoted to having extensive conversations with the tooth fairy, we are trying to control our boy crazy daughter and remind her that she is 7 and not 17. Her boyfriend list gets longer by the day and now we have to write a letter to Santa to try to figure out how to get Justin Beiber under the tree. She sat James and I down a few weeks ago and told us that she wasn’t going to ask us for one thing for Christmas from us because of everything our family is going through right now. As my eyes filled with tears and my throat got tight she then said in the same breath that she is just going to ask Santa to bring her an IPhone for Christmas. I knew I didn’t lose my little materialistic girl for long

Jimmy. My sweet, innocent, little boy Jimmy. James got this wild idea in his head that Jimmy may be “babied” too much for his liking and that we needed to put him into Pop Warner full pad football for his Kindergarten year. Of course I agreed! What mom wouldn’t want to see their little boy in his cute little football uniform with his name proudly displayed on his back. Obviously, I did not think this through past the getting him into a cute little uniform portion of the football season. I would like to report that he is looking like the next Joe Montana of his generation, however, considering that his coach and other football parents will be receiving this card, I will honestly have to report that he is looking more like the next Rudy of his generation. His 1.5 hours of practice on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday’s (not combined people, EACH DAY) plus games every Sunday from August through November did teach him a bunch about the game, but you can’t teach talent folks. If I had to pick one defining moment in my son’s football season this year I would probably have to note that the highlight of the season for me came when I got kicked out of football practice. Yep, you read that correctly. Let me paint the scene really quick. Jimmy got the answer wrong to a question his coach asked him so he had to take a lap. Well, this was his 4th lap in a row and he cried the entire time running that lap. As his little bobble head swayed side to side trying to hold the weight of the huge helmet, he took that last curve in the ¼ mile track and it became too much for me to watch. It was a sweltering 76 degrees outside and as they broke for a water break, my son ran into my arms crying that he wanted to go home. As any responsible parent would do, I gathered up our chairs and water bottles and began to leave with my baby (big boy, dammit, big boy) in my arms. His coach ran over to us and said to me “Steph, this isn’t working”. I agreed completely with his statement and apologized for wasting his time. He then tore my son out of my arms (ok, so more likely gently lifted him from my grasp, but I like my version better). He explained that Jimmy was fine, it was me who was the problem. As he was speaking his gibberish to me, I could not comprehend what he was saying so I finally blurted out “Are you kicking me out of practice?” His response? “Yes, Stephanie, that is exactly what I am doing”. Well, like any classy woman of my caliber would have done in this situation I raised my head up, let go of my son and walked away while whispering (yelling?) some choice words that may or may not have caused me to donate a heavy fee into the bad word jar (there may or may not have been some hand gestures to go along with these words, but I am not at liberty to say at this point and time). I AM happy to report that Jimmy did finish the entire season, and I am also happy to report that I was totally invited to the end of the year pizza party (but really wasn’t invited to anything before that).

Which leaves us to James and I. In keeping with the positives notes, we will only focus on the positive things for the year. Hmmm, well, James was employed for ¾ of the year. That’s positive. I was a stay at home mom for ¾ of the year. That’s positive. Our marriage is pretty solid. Look at that, we are on a roll here. After an almost 5 year hiatus, I went back to work for an amazing company called Alacrity Services. It is very similar to what I was doing before, only now I manage contractors instead of body shops. I currently work two jobs, a chair for 2 different non profits and an active member of the Junior League. This ridiculously busy schedule now gives me a justified excuse for any future botox treatments that I receive! People ask why I work I continue to work two jobs. Well, for one, I may be the most loyal person in the world. Pottery Barn stepped up in one of the scariest times of my life and I will not leave them during the height of holiday shopping. Plus, I want some ammo when the kids get older and complain about something. I will be quick to throw in their face “I worked TWO JOBS so that you could have everything you wanted when daddy was out of work!” (The reality is I work two jobs so that I can have nice furniture, but we will keep that between you and me). James is at home living the life of a kept man, eating bonbons on the couch (actually, he tells me everyday he can’t get anything done, the kids make constant messes, he has no time for anything else, and that he can’t wait to get a job.) If nothing else, it has been a very eye opening role reversal for the both of us.

2010 may have been a hard year for The Blackwood’s but we have learned a lot of things about ourselves. We truly have the most amazing family and friends that anybody could ever ask for. I would not have a job without our friends, James would not have the leads he has without our friends and we would not be able to have the schedule we have without our friends. Eugene has truly become our home, but the support we have received from Eugene, The Bay and Southern California and beyond has been nothing but humbling. On a more sobering note James and I lost a dear friend last year after the holidays who had decided his time on earth should end. This heartbreaking decision left us whirling with emotions and wondering if he knew how truly loved he was. If you are receiving this card and letter, it is because you have touched our lives in an amazing way and though we may not take the time to tell you on a regular basis, you mean the world to us! A few weeks ago I lost a friend (one of my best friends sister) suddenly. Life can change in a blink of an eye which we learn every year. We may not know where life is going to take us in 2011 but we know that we will have an amazing support system guiding us along the way. In looking towards the positive, we welcomed a beautiful new niece, countless babies from our best friends (damn, those Catholics can produce!), and learned how loved we are by many. James is becoming Catholic and 2011 and Alyssa is going through her 1st communion. 2011 may not be our year, but here is to it being a better year than 2010. Cheers! Happy Holidays from our home to yours.

Love:

The Blackwoods

Christmas letter 2008

2010-12-17T20:16:00.000-08:00

Hello from the Blackwoods. Happy Holidays to all. I can not believe that another year has gone by. Wow, how time flies. We have been in Eugene, Oregon for almost 3 years now and it is undeniably our home. We have a great life here and are very lucky with our extended family in Eugene.

Last year James was a little hurt that he was not included that much in the Holiday letter. This year, I decided to dedicate the entire Blackwood Holiday letter to James and his year. He was able to take me to Maui in January due to his supreme performance at Aramark (a performance that he completed again this year winning another trip to Maui for January 2009). In April, we decided that two children were blessings enough and decided to not have any more children (take that for what you will, I will not be spelling it out for you!). James was ever the trooper and took one (two?) for the team. Oh, there is James yelling out from the living room. He no longer wants the letter to be about him. Needless to say, I will never look at a bag of frozen peas the same way again!!! James did have a stellar year at Aramark though, and was able to move his company to another building just a few weeks ago. Life with him has been very good.

Alyssa. Oh, where do I start with that girl. She will be 6 this April going on 16. No, really, her only two wishes in life are to 1. Get a dog (not going to happen) 2. Be 16 years old. She went through her first rite of passage this year and got her ears pierced. She then immediately proceeded to ask when she could get her belly button pierced. Oh Dear. How do I answer this without sounding hypocritical? How about after you are finished having children and your stomach has been stretched from here to New York . If you are able to look past the stretch marks and distorted belly button, I will have no problems with you piercing your belly button. She did not seem to like that answer. She has already decided what type of car she wants for her 16th birthday (a car with no top on it, read: a convertible), who she wants to date (one of the Jonas brothers, I can’t keep their names straight), and what other boys are available to date if the Jonas Brothers are no longer available. Anybody who has been around her this year knows that she is very boy crazy. She has also become quite the social butterfly and party organizer (ironically, this is more of her father in her than me). I do not mind a get together every once in awhile, but she plans one every other day. I get to cancel all of the parties she plans on the playground when she invites 20+ kids over for a slumber party/sneaker party/movie party/high school musical party, or whatever themed party she comes up with that day. May seem cute until I get to tell some poor 5 year old that my daughter was mistaken and no, we are not having a party where I am hosting 20 children overnight because there is not enough alcohol in the world for me to induce in order to undertake that kind of torture. She is a very sweet young lady though with a very high moral standard and follows all of the rules (unless they are mine). Her current favorite sayings are “Chillax mom” (a combination of chill and relax) her inner 16 year old talking and “You said a bad word” her inner police officer talking.

Jimmy. Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy. If I do not have an ulcer yet from Alyssa, than Jimmy will surely step in and provide that last dose to push me over the edge. It took some time (a very long, long time) but he was finally potty trained this year. He too went through his first rite of passage as a boy, which evidently is making bodily function noises at all times of the day by any means possible. This usually comes when I am at the middle of shopping at the grocery checkout lane with a few other customers and makes said noises (he does this by blowing on his arm really hard; he is a precious one that boy) and then points to me and yells on the top of his lungs “Mommy tooted”. As I look around, red faced, trying to convince my fellow shoppers, that no, mommy does not do that because she has class, I whisper something very special into my son’s ear which is then promptly followed by a yell by Alyssa screaming “You said a baaaaaaaaad word!”. Needless to say, I do not go grocery shopping with my children anymore. Jimmy has a very sweet, yet mischievous temperament. He is also an inquisitive young man with his favorite saying being “Why?”. His questions are never ending and have me constantly evaluating how in the world I was ever able to receive a college degree with the obvious limited knowledge I have on useless information. Case in point, I pointed out to him how wonderful and green our garden was this spring. Of course he wanted to know why it was so green. I don’t know. Something having to do with photosynthesis or something, I replied. “What is photosymfasis” he asked. Oh, Geez, I don’t remember, something to do with the sun and the plants. “Why” he asks again. I don’t know, look it up on the computer. “I don’t know how to use computer” he responds. Well then, I guess that it is a good question to ask your teacher (yep, I am that kind of mom). When I am not constantly being berated by his questions, he likes to push me even closer to the edge with his personal quest to break a bone, any bone, in his body. If he is not riding down an icy driveway on a razor scooter, he is diving from the couch to the wall to see if he can stick to it like spider man. Just yesterday I caught him putting his head in the Christmas tree stand and trying to tighten the screws so that he can intentionally get his head stuck in the stand (why there is no Christmas tree in it is a story for another day my friends!). Chasing after him is more than a full time job. He started preschool this year at the Catholic school Alyssa attends, so at least I have some time to calm down before the bell rings.

Mom. Well, not much to tell except that even after almost 6 years, still trying to figure out this whole mom thing out. Just when I think I have it down, there are some other moms around to prove you wrong. This summer I got into a conversation with two other moms who were explaining to me how upset they get when they hear children say “What the…”. I replied “What the what. What did your kids say” salivating because my kids may not be the only children on the block who accidentally come up with a cuss word. They explained to me that they did not put a cuss word after the statement, it is only that a cuss word is IMPLIED after saying “What the…” that makes it a bad word. I looked on bewildered because I had no idea that implying a bad word makes that a bad word. I thought saying a bad word was the cardinal sin. As they shook their heads at me with pure pity on their faces I learned two things. 1. Their kids are not coming over to play at my house, because I use “What the….” all the time in my household and I DO finish it with a quote unquote bad word. I am like Mad Libs with that statement. It is like, what kind of cuss word can I put at the end of this statement today? It is really fun. You should try it sometime. 2. Yet again, I am no longer a contender for mother of the year (and if that did not disqualify me, the fact that Alyssa knows the entire song to “I Kissed a Girl and I Liked it” should be the nail in the coffin!) Oh well. Even if I can’t hold my head held high in a grocery store because people think I expel bodily function and cuss like a sailor from my children’s antics I know one thing. I do have the perfect family. I have a supportive husband and two kids who are perfect in my eyes (cue in the awwws now).

We hope everybody had a good year. We know that 2008 was not kind to many of our friends and family, but if ever there is a time to show how special you are in our lives, that time is now. We love and appreciate you all, and hope that 2009 will make everybody’s dreams come true. If you are on Facebook, you can find both me and James on it and if you enjoy getting these Christmas letters, you can check out our blog at:

www.blackwoodsblogtales.blogspot.com.

Sincerely,
The Blackwoods

Christmas letter 2007

2010-12-17T19:57:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, or Just Festivous to all of our wonderful family and friends! The Blackwood’s have had a wonderful year full of travels, parties, weddings, and school functions. We have traveled to the Bay Area 9 times, spent a total of 6 weeks in the LA/San Diego area, been to Las Vegas 4 times, a week in Cabo San Lucas, and traveled the greater Northwest (Bend, Diamond Lake, Portland, and Seattle) just to name a few places. We have been to 17 weddings in 18 months, and yet still have found the time to fall in love with our new hometown of Eugene. James and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary together this year, and have gone through some body transformations. All in all, it has been a very good year!

This has been the first full year that I have been a stay-at-home mom and I must confess that this is a really hard job. I have found that my competitive drive that I had in the work field has followed me onto the playground scene. This first realization hit me in February when my not-quite 2 year old son was playing with a 2 year old girl and her mom was shocked that my son was not potty trained (he will be 3 in March and is still not potty trained. DO NOT JUDGE ME PEOPLE! This was a lot easier when daycare did it for Alyssa). I quickly taught my son to respond by saying blue when I pointed to a color. The next time I met up with this mom, I pointed to something that was blue and asked Jimmy to respond with the correct color. When he responded “blue” the other mom became horrified that her daughter did not know her colors yet. I gave her a reassuring smile and told her that I am sure that her daughter was fine, but it was probably wise to make a doctor’s appointment just to make sure. I mentally flipped her off with both of my middle fingers while walking away from her. I bet she does not try to make me feel like an inadequate mother again.

This year has also taught me a lesson about the toy industry. 2007 will go down as the year of the famous toy recalls. Every morning the first thing I do is click on PerezHilton.com (err, I mean cnn.com or something educational like that). After reading the morning news, I find out that another toy has been recalled. I am well versed on the 1200 different types of toys that have been recalled. You want to know why? We have 1198 of them! Want to hear a confession? I have not returned one of these toys. So much of my time has been wasted reading about all of the toy recalls that occur on a day to day basis, that I do not have time to run down to the post office every 2 hours to return the next toy on the list. I attempted to return a toy I saw that had been recalled and there is all sorts of red tape you have to go through in order to get another toy that has hopefully (but not always the case) been painted with good paint. So you go to the website and they want you to look at the box the toy came in and if it has serial number x, and it has been purchased between such and such date, and it has been purchased at a few specific stores, than it is part of the recall. Uh, hello? Is there anybody out there that saves every box from every toy ever purchased? I know, I know, you think that I can easily just throw out the affected toys if that is the case. There is nothing easy about that proposition. Are you going to explain and deal with the wrath of my children when there is no Thomas the Train or Dora paraphernalia to entertain them any longer? I did not think so. Bottom line, if you have a child that has a tendency to suck on toys covered with lead based paint, it is probably not a good idea to come to our home.

Alyssa is going to Catholic school full time right now for Pre-Kindergarten. I am learning the blessings and downfalls of sending my child to Catholic school. The greatest blessing is if she acts up, all I have to do is ask “Is Jesus in your heart right now when you say these things to me?” I find that the fear of GOD can straighten her right up! The downfall is my child likes to give me a good dose of Catholic guilt whenever I choose to use a word (or a string of cuss words, which is a better way to explain it, because once I start swearing it is like I have Tourettes Syndrome or something. I physically can not stop it! It is not very becoming of a mother). She is like a Police Officer with all of her corrections, but a very girly girl Police Officer. She has to wear a skirt or dress everyday, and must have her accessories (which include a fake Barbie cell phone, sunglasses, necklaces, and Barbie heels, all with her matching pink purse) with her at all times. I have to do her hair every morning and if she does not like it, she tells me I need to do it again (I never succumb to her demands however, and usually begin doing that cuss word thing I just explained about when she talks to me like that. It becomes a vicious cycle.) I have been told on more than one occasion that she reminds people of Paris Hilton. Ohhhhh lucky me! She likes to correct them though and advise that she is like Hannah Montana, not that Paris girl. Since Hannah Montana is supporting her family at the grand old age of 13, I can definitely handle her as an inspiration to my daughter.

Jimmy is growing up so fast. He will be at Alyssa’s school next year as well (cross your fingers). He has been showing his stubborn side though lately, as we try to do the potty training thing. It is not like he does not like the bathroom. He lives in the bathroom. It is his favorite room to torture me in our home. His favorite pastimes include finding as many objects around the home to flush down the toilet (half the time he is successful, half the time the toilet overflows), getting baby powder and throwing it all over the bathroom to represent “snow” and gathering all of the towels and wash clothes, stuffing them in the sink, and then running water over them until the sink overflows. I read somewhere that he may be afraid of the toilet and I “need to make a game of going potty”. I threw in some Cheerios into the toilet and he just flushed them down. He then proceeded, when I was not looking mind you, to dump the entire contents of the Cheerios box into the toilet and flush. Can you believe that every last Cheerio from the box went down in one flush? So after that unsuccessful lesson, I read that he may have grown too accustomed to his diaper and I need to just take it of and allow him to “be free.” Can you guess what happened next? He was like a puppy in a new home, marking up his territory everywhere he went. Maybe I should follow the puppy potty training techniques and spray him in the face with a spray bottle every time he pees on my floor/wall/couch. That probably isn’t an accepted technique, but it sure as hell will make me feel better.

This year has been very informative for me as a stay at home mom. Here are some highlights:
1. Getting called into the Principles office at Alyssa’s school, not for something that she did, but for something that I did. I must say, it takes a lot of talent to get called into the Principles office 10 years after graduating from High School.
2. Having to clean up my child’s car sickness after forgetting to pack wipes and towels for the 8 hour car trip. I improvised with antiseptic wipes from the Emergency Kit, like any other rational mom would do (actually, James did all of the cleaning while I did most of the gagging). I am telling you, you have not truly traveled until you have traveled with 2 children under the age of 5… in a car the smells of a mixture of puke and rubbing alcohol… with two broken windows that don’t roll down.
3. Having my daughter tell me that she is having HOT FLASHES (yes, she is 4), and that I must get the air conditioning fixed before she DIES (with her hand over her forehead and her eyes fluttering. Think somebody spends a lot of time with her multiple grandmothers and honorary grandmothers?

After all is said and done though, I find that I am actually enjoying staying at home with my children (at least I thought I did until I wrote this letter). They are cute kids, who are moderately behaved, and continue to amaze us with their growing personalities. James and I are truly blessed with our lives, and I can not think of one thing that I would change about it. James had a very successful year with Aramark, and continues to enjoy his time with his market center. We have made some really great friends here (does anybody else make jello shots during play dates? Oh you don’t, umm, neither do we). We have become huge Oregon Duck fans and try to get in as many games as possible. James has enjoyed quite a few ESPN Game Day events and hosting more than a few tailgates. Thank God his bar-b-que skills are so great. He single handedly has made us the most popular couple at the games. That and all the alcohol we always give out. I do know how lucky I am to have him.

We miss you all and hope that you have had a wonderful 2007 followed by an even greater 2008. Keep in touch. We love to get updates as well. Our door is always open, come and visit us anytime.
Love always,
The Blackwood’s
James IV, Stephanie, Alyssa, and Jimmy V

Email: Steph_Blackwood@yahoo.com

P.S. Do you think it is wrong that I used the address labels for the Christmas cards that different charities have sent us when asking for donations, and we have never donated to them? I feel kind of guilty.
P.P.S Did anybody else notice the strategically placed star on our Christmas card that covers my new cleavage line. I bet you all look at the Christmas card one more time to see what I am talking about.

Tooth Fairy

2010-12-17T19:16:00.000-08:00

Tooth Fairy

Alyssa is hitting that oh so cute yet oh so awkward stage of the snaggle tooth smile. She has now lost 6 teeth including her two front teeth, and four bottom front teeth. Pretty much everyday, a child in her class has lost a tooth. Alyssa and her classmates have discovered that I can NOT stomach wiggly teeth. It literally makes me want to throw up when I see a kid messing with their teeth with their tongue and it hanging by a thread ( a bloody, meaty thread, oh…I am about to throw up right now). Anyway, because I positively can not handle wiggly teeth and will not Alyssa play with her teeth in front of me, it is not at all surprising that she has lost almost all of her teeth at school (there are teachers that “pluck” the teeth right out. Seriously, even typing this is making me nauseous).

Every tooth that has fallen out has pretty much led to a disaster. Alyssa lost her FIRST tooth, on her BIRTHDAY and we were beyond excited. Her Aunt and Uncle had come into town for a visit and her birthday party was the next day. We were beyond excited for her since she was one of the later ones to have lost a tooth and talked about how special it was because it happened, ON HER BIRTHDAY. So we take her out for her birthday dinner and get back home and begin to set everything out for the tooth fairy. This is a pretty big deal in the Blackwood household since she is our oldest and this was a first for us as well. So she goes to bed and I begin to visit with my in-laws while stuffing goodie bags for the next day and getting everything ready for the birthday party (alcohol may have been consumed during this time as well, however, I will plead the 5th until the day I die over this). We finish up with the birthday stuff, say good night to my in laws and go to bed. We wake up the next morning to an upset little girl who could not understand why the tooth fairy did not visit her ON HER BIRTHDAY, FOR HER FIRST TOOTH. James shoots out of bed and distracts her while I grab his wallet from the nightstand, take a bill (happened to be a 20. Was not in the situation to be able to look for a smaller denomination) and take Alyssa to her room to “look” for the missing dollar. As she pulled back her pillow, I stuffed the 20 into her pillowcase and proudly told my daughter that I found it. She looked at me skeptically, explaining that she had looked all over her bed before she came to wake us up and never found it. James and I were able to smooth it over and began explaining that she received such a LARGE dollar amount because it was her FIRST tooth, that she lost, on her BIRTHDAY!

Second tooth. Well, really, we can only go up from here. Yeah, you would think. So she loses the next tooth the next day (Thank God, so much cuter to have both missing front teeth than just one) and James and I are all about it. There is no way we can screw this up. I tell Alyssa to go put it under her pillow and begin reading to her in the living room, not paying attention to what Jimmy and his buddy are doing. Well, they get curious and want to see what this pillow thing is all about, take the tooth OUT of the little pillow and proceed to lose the tooth (no pun intended). Seriously, they lost the freakin tooth. Now, I have to calm a traumatized big sister who now thinks the Tooth Fairy is never going to visit her because she doesn’t even have a tooth to barter for the money and James and I are coming up with stories left and right. We FINALLY get her calmed down and heading off to dreamland. We have alerts going off on our phone to remind us to have the tooth fairy go and visit and double up on the efforts by having my mom and sister call me to make sure that this indeed happens. Needless to say, she woke up happy and we were able to avert crisis number 2.

This week, Alyssa lost another tooth and one of her teachers placed the tooth in the envelope to take home with her. Very considerate, thank you very much. We go about our afternoon and I call my mom and sister to remind me about the tooth fairy visit. Alyssa writes a sweet note to the tooth fairy and puts the tooth that is in the envelope under her pillow. Seems smooth enough. James and I wait about an hour until she is in a deep sleep before attempting to enter in her room. I grab a 5 out of James wallet and sneak in to her room, my heart pounding like a teenager sneaking back into their room after breaking curfew. Take a few stabilizing breaths and put my very shaky hand under her pillow. Proceed to freak out and run out of the room as soon as she stirs a little bit. James yells at me to get a grip and I go back into the room full steam ahead. Place my still shaky hand under the pillow and feel around a little bit and can’t feel the envelope. She begins to stir around a little bit more and I run, again, out of the room. Wait about 5 minutes and go back in, for the third time mind you, place my still shaking hand (I have seriously got to cut back on the caffeine) and figure out that her head is sleep directly on top of the envelope. Place the 5 dollar bill under the pillow, do not grab the envelope and go out to tell James that we are just going to have to leave the tooth. James’ response, “Oh, I will just do it!”. I silently shoot daggers into him and let him go save the day. As he goes to reach under the pillow and snag the envelope, he happens to push the 5 dollar bill towards the head of her bed which causes it to fall under her bed. Great! See, Alyssa doesn’t have a normal bed, she has a storage bed with drawers underneath the bed so you can’t just lean down and grab it from under the bed. Now James comes out all flustered and pissed and I am pissed and we now have a situation where we have the tooth but no money. Not a great exchange for Alyssa. So now we are searching high and low for another 5 dollar bill, it is 11 o’clock at night, we are pissy, exhausted and determined to not ruin another tooth fairy experience for her. James ends up finding 3 one dollar bills and places it under her pillow. She woke up happy and satisfied and then asked “how come there is no fairy dust on the dollar bills”. Ummm, excuse me, what? What are you talking about? She goes on to explain “Everybody at school says that they have fairy dust on their money, how come my dollars don’t have it?” I couldn’t even come up with a story. Just had to reply “I just don’t know honey,, honestly, I just don’t know”. Make a mental note to sprinkle fairy dust on the dollar bills for the next tooth and move on with the morning.

Well, what do you know. Alyssa comes home from school that day announcing that she has lost another tooth. Really, what are the odds (well, if you have been reading this blog, you know that that odds are pretty high considering we are talking about the Blackwood household.). We go through the entire process, AGAIN, except this time place the tooth where it belongs, in its little tooth pillow that is easy to pull in and out from under a pillow. Grab 3 one dollar bills (can not believe we actually had this on hand) and went in search for glitter. Searched and searched and searched. Pretty sure I threw anything that looked like glitter away a few months ago since that damn stuff will NEVER disappear if it gets on anything, but still searched for over an hour before I said screw it! Grab the tooth, put the money in the pocket and went to bed. Maybe next tooth we will figure it all out!

Mother's Day

2010-06-10T21:54:00.000-07:00

Mother’s Day this year was a little different than previous Mother’s Day. I had to work on actual Mother’s Day but decided to spend a day with each of the kids individually on something that they wanted to do with me by themselves. Alyssa really wanted me to chaperone one of her field trips which was the Thursday before Mother’s Day and Jimmy wanted me to go to his school for a Mother’s Day tea which fell on the Friday before Mother’s Day. I felt that the kids would get more of that than doing a brunch at a crazy busy restaurant while the kids fought over who got the most chocolate milk/syrup/peanut butter/(insert gross condiment here) that they could possibly compare and fight over.

Thursday. Field Trip Day. Some parents go to the State Capital on Field trips, some go to a museum. Nope, not for me and my kids. We go to the DUMP. Yep, you read that right, the Dump. It was all based on Earth Day and the impact our trash has on the environment. A cool concept, except that we had 25 1st graders at a Dump. I end up switching cars for the day with James so now I am in our big SUV that I rarely drive. This will become important later on. I have been on many field trips with the kids, but since I have a smaller car, and since the kids are required by law to be in a car seat/booster until they are 16, I have always just driven my kids. Nope, not today. Today, I am going to grab 5 kids and brave the 15 minute drive with kids filled with excitement that only field trip day can bring. So I go to the classroom and get directions from the Teacher and immediately another parent advises me to not follow the directions because some of the roads are closed due to construction. “Just go to the Dump” the other parents tell me. I raised my hand. “Um, excuse me. I am not from here, nor I have ever needed any reason to go to the dump, so I have no idea where the dump is” (This is not just for Eugene, I couldn’t tell you where the dump is in California if my life depended on it). Another parent and a good friend told me not to worry, I could just follow her. Great, got that out of the way. Round up the kids in my group, grab their boosters and head out to the car.

Mistake #1. Not putting the booster chairs in the car while the kids are in the classroom. So I have all the kids come out to the car carrying their booster chairs which I thought was a little weird since no other child in any of the other cars were carrying theirs. Trying to put 5 booster chairs with kids who are anxious to leave and getting into the car is not an easy feat. For some unknown reason, the back seat does not fit 3 boosters, so out goes rule number one. Take Alyssa out of the booster, get the kids all buckled up (an event that took no less than 20 minutes) and we are off. Which leads to…

Mistake #2. Not getting the actual directions to the field trip. We have to make a left hand turn out of the school onto a busy street, which means that it is not easy to follow the people in front of you. I lose the other parents in no less than 20 seconds. Break another rule by having to use the cell phone to find out where I am going. Finally catch up to the other parents and we are all set for our field trip.

Get to the dump and get hit with all of the kids yelling, in unison mind you, “EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, it stinks. Ewwwwwwwww what is that smell? Ewwwwwww (insert child’s name) farted” Oh, dear. It is going to be a long day. After a few hours, yep you read that right, a few HOURS at the dump learning all about things that can be recycled and what we are doing to damage our environment, we have to go to location number 2, a 5 minute drive to a recycling place. Get the kids in the car, place myself in the middle of the pact of SUV’s hauling the 1st grade class and we are off.

Mistake #3. Not having any snacks available for the kids to eat. “I am STARVING, Mrs. Blackwood,. I AM STARRRRRRRRRRRVING”. 5 kids yelling on the top of their lungs and I don’t have one thing to offer them. This coincides with Mistake #4.

Mistake #4-See Mistake #2. Not getting directions on how to get to destination number 2. I have to travel no less than 2 miles and somehow I get stopped as the first car in a construction zone. Break another rule again and pick up the cell phone and call….again…to get directions to the new place. Arrive at the 2nd part of the field trip with the whole class anxiously awaiting our arrival so that the rest of the field trip can commence and they are huddled in front of the only parking spot left at the recycling plant. Of course the car next to the only parking spot left is halfway over the line and of course I am driving James car, which I am not familiar with and seems no smaller than a tank, and I attempt to park the car. Ok, first try did not work, lets try this again. Hmmm, ok second try does not work, maybe third time is a charm. Nope third time is not charming at all to say the least, so I call out to my friend to park it for me since she drives said tank everyday. Of course, she gets it in on her first try and now the entire class is more interested in why I had to let somebody else park than listening to the leader explain all about recycling. The leader begins to ask if anybody has any questions and a bunch of hands shoot up. First question “How come Mrs. Blackwood does not know how to drive?”. Ummm, excuse me little girl. I know how to drive, I just evidently do not know how to park. Next question. “Where did Mrs. Blackwood get her drivers license?” Well, now this is getting out of hand. I raised my hand and ask “Is there any questions that do not involve Mrs. Blackwood and her driving skills. All hands fall down. Well, at least I can say I contributed something to this field trip.

Finish up at the recycling place, dropped the kids off at school, silently pledge to myself that I will never chaperone a field trip again and Alyssa turns to me, gives me a big hug, and said she had the best time with me today. Yep, made it all worth it!!!

The next day I arrive at school for Jimmy’s special Mother’s Day luncheon. The Pre-Kindergarten class does it every year and it is one of those special memories. I get to the school, and Jimmy comes up looking especially dapper that day (I actually ironed his clothes for once) and said “I will take you to your seat ma’am.” I smiled and whispered to him he does not have to call me ma’am. (I really despise being called ma’am). “Ok, Ma’am, I will stop calling you ma’am”. He sits me down and serves me a spinach salad with mandarin oranges which he quickly devours off of my plate. Now it is time for the show he puts on for us. The whole class sang a song about how much they love their mom’s. Then it came time for the special “entertainment” where the boys and girls in the class are paired up and they do a “waltz”. Well, Jimmy’s partner was just in the moment, gazing into his eyes, rocking back and forth, and going in for a kiss at any time she could. Jimmy did what any normal 5 year old boy would do, spin her around as fast as he could. It was really a sweet moment, though.
Now comes the final part of the luncheon: The presentation of portrait made by our children and a declaration of love from them. This should be sweet, but is actually very nerve wracking considering Alyssa’s picture of me consisted of a round face, a round body and arms the size of Arnold Swarchenegger circa 1982. I got off easy though. James, the poor bastard, got a round face with, literally, three hairs drawn on the top of the head for his Father’s Day presentation with Alyssa. When reading her declaration of love, Alyssa announced that she loved me because I knew how to walk in heels. Glad I am making such an impact in her life, but I digress. So each child is called up one by one and they proudly hold their portraits for everybody to see and the funny comments read by their child. Jimmy is eventually called to the front. DUM DA DA DUM. Ok, kiddo. Hit me with your best shot. Portrait. Ok, round face, round body seeing a trend. Could possibly be that is the only way my kids know how to draw people, but regardless, there is no way in hell I am eating dessert now. Now it is time for the declaration: “My mom is talented because she knows how to make my lunch”. Ok, that wasn’t so bad but damn, I have got to start doing sports or something and find an actual talent. These said “talents” are sort of embarrassing. Anyway, the day was perfect and a perfect way to spend Mother’s Day with the kids. I just can’t wait to see what Father’s Day brings…

2010-06-10T21:40:00.000-07:00

WD40

2010-01-09T14:13:00.000-08:00

So I have been trying to keep with 2 of my New Year's Resolutions. 1. To write more and 2. to clean and organize my life. I have been going through my emails that I have saved forever and found this. I find it funny, because I find the information very useful, and feel super motivated to try it out after I have read the email, and then I get distracted and forget about it all over again. You know, sort of like New Year's Resolutions. Maybe if it is on my blog, it will be a constant reminder. Hmmmmm....

WD-40 Well, Who Knew...?

I had a neighbor who had bought a new pickup. I got up very early one Sunday morning and saw that someone had spray painted red all around the sides of this beige truck (for some unknown reason). I went over, woke him up, and told him the bad news. He was very upset and was trying to figure out what to do probably nothing until Monday morning, since nothing was open. Another neighbor came out and told him to get his WD-40 and clean it off. It removed the unwanted paint beautifully and did not harm his paint job that was on the truck. I'm impressed! WD -40 who knew?

Water Displacement #40. The product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent and degreaser to protect missile parts. WD-40 was created in 1953 by three technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company. Its name comes from the project that was to find a "water displacement" compound. They were successful with the fortieth formulation, thus WD-40. The Corvair Company bought it in bulk to protect their atlas missile parts.

Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you.

When you read the "shower door" part, try it. It's the first thing that has ever cleaned that spotty shower door. If yours is plastic, it works just as well as glass. It's a miracle! Then try it on your stovetop... Voila! It's now shinier than it's ever been. You'll be amazed.

Here are some of the uses:

1) Protects silver from tarnishing.
2) Removes road tar and grime from cars.
3) Cleans and lubricates guitar strings.
4) Gives floors that 'just-waxed' sheen without making it slippery.
5) Keeps flies off cows.
6) Restores and cleans chalkboards.
7) Removes lipstick stains.
8) Loosens stubborn zippers.
9) Untangles jewelry chains.
10) Removes stains from stainless steel sinks.
11) Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill.
12) Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pots from oxidizing.
13) Removes tomato stains from clothing.
14) Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots.
15) Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors.
16) Keeps scissors working smoothly.
17) Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and doors in homes
18) It removes black scuff marks from the kitchen floor! Use WD-40 for those nasty tar and scuff marks on flooring. It doesn't seem to harm the finish and you won't have to scrub nearly as hard to get them off. Just remember to open some windows if you have a lot of marks.
19) Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car if not removed quickly! Use WD-40!
20) Gives a children's play gym slide a shine for a super fast slide.
21) Lubricates gear shift and mower deck lever for ease of handling on riding mowers.
22) Rids kids rocking chairs and swings of squeaky noises.
23) Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to open.
24) Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close.
25) Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles, as well as vinyl bumpers.
26) Restores and clean s roof racks on vehicles.
27) Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans.
28) Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons, and bicycles for easy handling.
29) Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them running smoothly.
30) Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools.
31) Removes splattered grease on stove.
32) Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging.
33) Lubricates prosthetic limbs.
34) Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell).
35) Removes all traces of duct tape.
36) Folks even spray it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain.
37) Florida's favorite use is: "cleans and removes love bugs from grills and bumpers."
38) The favorite use in the state of New York WD-40 protects the &nbs p;Statue of Liberty from the elements.
39) WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a LITTLE on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in no & nbsp; time. Also, it's a lot cheaper than the chemical attractants that are made for just that purpose. Keep in mind though, using some chemical laced baits or lures for fishing are not allowed in some states.
40) Use it for fire ant bites. It takes the sting away immediately and stops the itch.
41) WD-40 is great for removing crayon from walls. Spray on the mark and wipe with a clean rag.
42) Also, if you've discovered that your teenage daughter has washed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry, saturate the lipstick spots with WD-40 and re-wash. Presto! Lipstick is gone!
43) If you sprayed WD-40 on the distributor cap, it would displace the moisture and allow the car to start.
P. S. The basic ingredient is FISH OIL.

P. P. S. I keep a can of WD-40 in my kitchen cabinet over the stove. It is good for oven burns or any other type of burn. It takes the burned feeling away and heals with NO scarring.

Halloween 2009

2009-12-01T11:45:00.001-08:00

This year, Halloween happened to be on a Saturday, which happened to be a home game for University of Oregon, which happened to be at the time one of the biggest games of the year against USC. James's best friend Jim and his wife Stephanie have two children around the same ages as our kids and decided to come down for the game (they are the biggest USC fans that I know). When it was announced that that game was going to be played at 5pm, my heart broke. We had already planned on taking the 4 children to the game, but we knew that there was no way the kids were going to be able to do traditional trick or treating in the neighborhood. Fortunately, we did have a lot of friends that were also going to be taking their children to the game and decided to do a trunk or treating at all the tailgates. We had no idea if anybody else was going to be bringing candy so we took it upon ourselves to buy a bunch of candy and each have it at our tailgate spots so that all the kids would have at least a few places to hit during tailgate time. Oh my, was I off on my assumption. Every single person who tailgated had brought candy for the kids, and I swear that our group of kids was the only group to do trick or treating and we were MOBBED. It was like a G Rated Mardi Gras with people yelling "Show Us Your Kids". Every person had bought a ton of candy not knowing how many kids would be out and we were attacked. Each person was giving handfuls, that's right, handfuls of candy to all the trick or treaters that came by (I am to assume it was so that they did not have to go home with a bunch of candy that they bought for the game. That, or the fact that everybody seemed to have started drinking at 5am in the hope that they would appear on GAMEDAY on ESPN. By 3pm, the kids could no longer hold their bags as it was too heavy for them to trek around. At 3:30 a friend of ours brought out bags from the University of Oregon filled with Costco sized candy to each kid that was in our group. By the beginning of the game, even James and I could no longer carry the candy we had so much. There was pounds of it, and I am not exaggerating, pounds of candy that we took home. It was a successful day for Oregon with the win over USC (though our friends would probably say differently), but a great weekend. In our group we had Nancy Drew, a Power Puff girl and two fireman.

Wakeboarding

2009-10-27T15:38:00.000-07:00

This summer we were fortunate enough to be invited a bunch of times on different boats various friends of ours own (this has also led to a very serious conversation in which James does not feel that we can go one more summer without owning a boat!). Wanting my children to be able to experience everything that they can, I pushed them to get on the wave runners, tubes, and water skis. For the most part, they loved it all, but Alyssa got a big rush of water up her nose when trying to water ski which led her to get mad and lash out at me (honestly, I just have no idea where she gets this from). After telling her to get back up again and not give up, she yelled (rather haughtily I might add) "Well I don't ever see you doing this!". Oh, Miss Priss, them some fighting words right there.

So we drop off all the children, grab a drink (essential for a day on the boat) and watch my friend Teresa hop in the water with the wakeboard on and get up like it is no big thing. Well, if she can do it, surely it can’t be that difficult. Well Teresa decides that she is finished with wakeboarding and drops into the water. I was the Orange Flag Girl (sure there is a specific name like "spotter" or something sensible like that, but we are going to go with Orange Flag Girl) and like the "experienced" boater that I am forget to hold up the flag. I mean really, there is only one job an Orange Flag Girl has to do and I am failing at it. This does not speak well for me getting into the water. Anyhoo, my friends Kendra, Steve and Teresa all decide that now it is my turn to go wakeboarding. This should not be too hard. I hand the camera to Kendra ask her to take pictures after I get up (really, if I only knew what the day had in store for me this would have been funnier) and try to get my feet in the wakeboard. Steve is giving me instructions which I am only half listening (a regret I will have later), when I think he realizes just how inexperienced I am. Here is how the conversation went:

Steve: "So this is going to feel very similar to snowboarding

Steph: "Uh yeah, never snowboarded"

Steve: "OK, what about water skiing?"

Steph: "Nope, never did that either"

Steve: "What about skateboarding"

Steph: "Steve, what about me screams I have ever been to a skate park or ridden a skateboard before"?

Steve: "Good Point. OK, lets just focus on you getting up first"

Steph: "Hahahahaha"

I would like to remind everybody that I am still on the boat at this point. So I am trying to get into the water in this scooting motion because my feet are trapped into this board. Seriously, do you have any idea how trapped a person feels without the use of their legs while going into the water. Not a great feeling! So I get into the water (read: fall in) and I am literally face down into the water and can not get flipped over. As I patiently listen to the snickers coming from the boat and from shore, I put my brave face on show everybody what a good sport I am (actually I yelled out to everybody to shut the f up before I kicked all of their a**es, but I like this new version of the story better). Steve is telling me to use my hips to get me to flip over and after about 100 tries I finally flip over onto my back. Ok. I am ready (and seriously reconsidering the 4 drinks that I have already had at this point). Steve yells for me to get my knees to my chest, hold my arms out straight, and just let the boat guide me. Really, how hard can that be? Well let me tell you, Pretty Damn Hard! I yell out "Ready" and Steve gets the boat moving. Now, I don't know what I was expecting when holding a rope to a large boat with an even larger motor, but I really was not expecting the force that hit me so suddenly. And then I fell face first even more suddenly. Holy shock, now I know what that water up the nose thing Alyssa was complaining about. It is really, not until then, that I realized how important the job of Orange Flag Girl is. As I was submerged into the water while waiting for the boat to pick me up while other boats are wizzing by made me realize real quick the job of Orange Flag Girl. Kendra and Teresa are sitting on the nice (dry, pain free) boat and I am screaming at them to get the damn orange flag up before I am ran over by a boat. This would be my luck. Killed by another boat while trying to get up on the wakeboard. So as I use my arms to try to swim towards the boat, Steve throws the rope to me and tells me to do it again. I don't want to do this again! Besides that public embarrassment that I have endured that is both real and horrifying, now I have to go through the torture of being whipped around by the boat. No way. Too bad my friends weren't having that attitude and took me along for ride number two. If you are really interested to see how it went, read about ride number 1. This literally went on for about 1 hour and I begged to stop. I finally announced that this was going to be my last time since it felt like I had water swimming around in my brain and my body was filled with bruises from hitting the water so hard. Let me tell you, after an hour and 100 tugs from the boat, I found some determination somewhere deep inside of me that forced myself to get up on that damn wakeboard (it was either that or the fact that the 5 year old next to me on a different boat got up on her first try). So I listened to everything Steve had told me, closed my eyes and Holy Sh*t, I got up, I am up, I am....down! But I don't care, I got up and the best part of it, Kendra took the picture at the exact second that I was up! (unfortunatly, I can't figure out how to zoom in and save it so it just looks like a far away person wakeboarding) Life was good.
We finished up the day with a few more drinks and a wild ride on the tube with my two girlfriends and me swearing I would be doing this again soon. That was until I tried to open the car door at the end of the evening and figured out just what 100 tugs on the rope trying to wakeboard does to your arms. Let us all hope that there is an update next summer with a full ride to report! Though I must add, that if Steve, Teresa and Kendra were not so patient there is no way I would have continued to try.

Our Dancing Queen

2009-09-01T15:24:00.000-07:00

I don't know if it is the influence of Hannah Montana, the fact that my daughter is the biggest girlie girl that I know, or some sort of genetic inheritance, but my daughter LOVES to dance. For the past two years, she has been a part of a cute little dancing team that holds a big performance at the end of the year to show off their routine. For both years, she has chosen the intro to hip-hop class which is very cute, but sometimes seems very inappropriate for children in that age group. She joined a new dance class this past year (08-09) after another dance group and I did not see eye to eye on some things. I feel like I am a pretty go with the flow type of person, but some of the things that they did did not mesh well with me. Here is the experience from our first dance class:
Alyssa has a big dance recital where all of the groups at her dance school put on a performance. Ummm where do I start? I guess I should begin with the dance teacher (an 18 year old girl) trying to convince me to buy a sweatshirt to help support the studio. I look at the front of it and it has the dance studio's logo on the front. Oh so cute. Then I turn it around and it says "I'D TAP THAT"! I gave the sweatshirt back to the teacher and let her know that we would not be buying a sweatshirt from her. The teacher, looking at me wildly and bewildered, can not understand why I am so upset about the sweatshirt. I told her that I find it completely inappropriate for a 5 year old to wear a shirt with that kind of content on it, in which she recommended that I get one for myself. Yeah, that would be the day (actually, there was probably about a 5 year span in my life where I would have thought that was really cool to wear something that notified the public that I am "TAP" worthy, but come on, can you imagine me showing up to Alyssa's Catholic School wearing that? Sweats that spell Juicy over my a** completely ok, sweatshirt about tapping that, I do not think so!)
Anyhoo, the recital begins and Alyssa and her 4 year old class to a dance to "Mulberry Bush". So cute. The next age group, the 7 to 9 year olds, come and perform SexyBack by Justin Timberlake. Uh, why is a 7 year old trying to convince me that she is going to bring sexy back, and where the hell did it go in the first place? Does she even know what sexy means? Probably. I am pretty sure Alyssa knows what it means at 5, so I do not know why I think it would be different for a 7 year old. Following that performance, the 9 to 11 year olds (pretty sure everybody is still in elementary school at this point) and do a little dance to Soulja boy (supposed to be soldier boy, but the moron can't spell). I believe that fine musical diddy goes something like "Super soak that hoooo, super soak that ho". Did the kids (and/or teachers) think this song was about the ever popular super soaker water guns? Is there a reason why I am watching a 9 year old little girls gyrating to a song about ho's?
The topper of the day came out when the specially selected group from all age groups (the best of the best) begin to dance to "I'm so hood". Oh really Katie. You are so hood. I guess the blond pigtails threw me off for a minute. If it was not the pigtails, it definitely was the gleaming smile and giggles as she did her dance routine. No Katie, you are not so hood. Eugene, though known for many things, is not on the US radar for most dangerous hoods. In fact, I don't think there is even a hood in Eugene. Anyway, I am pulling her out of the dance studio. I am not trying to raise a little girl who dresses and acts sexually provocative and a wannabe gangster (oh my god, I just described my middle school years).

So after that experience, we changed dance studio's and have been much happier there. The video included is at her new dance studio and I think for the most part it just shows that she is having fun and enjoying the stage. I still can't figure out what she enjoys more: being on stage, performing her routine, or getting to put a pound of makeup on her face so that she is not "drowned out" by the lights. She has several friends from school that do dancing with her and she always gets to do her performance in front of my parents who make it up to see her "Big Show"

The spolied Under 30 Crowd

2009-08-31T19:24:00.001-07:00

Here is another email that I got that I totally identified with. I feel like I am starting to get real old since I can start a sentence "20 years ago we didn't do...." and totally be able to remember what it was like over 20 years ago!

THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears
with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning

Uphill... barefoot...

BOTH ways

Yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up,
there was no way in hell I was going to lay

a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it

and how easy they've got it!

But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of
thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my
childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!

And I hate to say it but you kids today you
don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, We had to go to the damn library and
look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write
somebody a letter, with a pen!

Then you had to walk all the way to the steet and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! No where was safe!

There were no MP3' s or Napsters! You wanted to
steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape would come undone.

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you
were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either!
When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school,
your mom, your boss, your Bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you
just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video
games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games
like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You
actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or
screens, it was just one screen
forever!

And you could never win. The game just kept getting
harder and harder and
faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was
on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off
your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel, and there were only three of them, ABC, NBC. and CBS. There was no
Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons
on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK
for cartoons, you spoiled
little rat-bastards!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat
something up we had to use the stove ... Imagine that!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids
today have got it too easy.
You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted
five minutes back in 1980 or before!

Random Thoughts from People Our Age

2009-08-31T18:20:00.000-07:00

I got this email and it had me laughing and falling off my chair because I identified with so many of the "thoughts". Here are just a few thoughts from people our age:

-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. (Even with mapquest and navigation, I inevitably get lost and wind up in a bad neighborhood)

-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think
about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own
story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me. (I wish this did not describe me as accurately as it does, but unfortunately, it is true)

-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize
you're wrong. (This rarely happens, so I really can't relate)

-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink
to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint
and sticks when they've invented the lighter? (I second that)

-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going
in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going?
But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from
which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or
phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that
no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching
directions on the sidewalk. (I do this ALL THE TIME. Again, my sense of directions always leads me the wrong way and I always try to play it off.)

-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know"
feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not
to be friends with? (Nope, it is not just you. Then, you get a request and don't want to be a b*tch for declining and acting like you are 16 again, but you really don't want to hear how unbelievably perfect life is for said person, or you try to be nice and get past high school and try to post a greeting on the person's wall you did not want to be friends with in the first place and you get no response. Sometimes I just want to write on the wall, "I know you want to look at my pictures and I want to look at your pictures and we will leave it at that". Think that would make life a hell of a lot more easier!)

-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't
work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix
the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how
to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We
just figured it out. Today's kids are soft. (I so did that. I also jerked the control up and down and side to side to try to give Mario that EXTRA jump to get that coin. I think my actions led somebody to eventually create the Wii, but I have no way to prove it)

-There is a great need for sarcasm font. (I agree. but in the mean time I will continue to use paranthesis and italize my words)

-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly
realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it. (Grease and Dirty Dancing come to mind. Basically my favorite movies growing up and really, the point of both movies is slut it up and you will get the guy. What a great coming of age story)

-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes
stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes
shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right
parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond
earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it. (StepBrothers for me)

-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? (I just crumple it together because I thought I would really never need to know how to fold that stupid sheet. The first day on the job at Pottery Barn they asked me to fold a bunch of fitted sheets. Ummm, I know I have a college degree, but I can't even begin to fake trying to fold those things. I just kind of stuffed it in a bag and hoped nobody would notice!)

-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. (This comes from experience from anybody who has had to climb stairs to their apartments)

- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your
computer history if you die. (I don't really do that much on my computer, but would probably be embarrassed if anybody knew how many times in a day I logged on to Perez Hilton)

-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish
a text. (Just did this today)

- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread
of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it. (I really need to start playing Beer Pong again. While I am at it, maybe add a little Bullsh*t and Never have I ever. That should lead to some interesting conversations...How would you play Never have I ever as a mom? Use the statement, Never have I ever given birth vaginally and see which women drink? That sounds like fun.)

- Was learning cursive really necessary? (Only for your signature)

- Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have
nothing else to say". (Lucky I even know what LOL means)

- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. (The story of my life)

- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron
test is absolutely petrifying. (I would sometimes change one answer so that they weren't all in a row)

- My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing
as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the
name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy,
bro.

- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart",
all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart". (Yeah, I don't know too many people who have had to survive the mean streets of wherever and get by on some skills)

- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you
just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said? (This always happens to me when somebody with an accent begins talking to me. I always answer "yes", and more often times than not, it was not a yes or no question)

- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up
to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers! (No matter how sh*tty a day is, when this happens it instantly brightens my world)

- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples,
I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today
I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's
G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies" (Seriously fell off my chair on this one. I have got A as in Apple down and after that, totally screwed. Come up with the most random things too, as in B as in....bratwurst)

-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each
other?

- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively
swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood.

- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower
first and THEN turn on the water. (My shower has to run for at least 5 minutes so that there is absolutely no cold water anywhere coming through!)

-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever. (nope, I disagree here. Wash it all. Even if you just tried it on and you don't want to deal with actually hanging up the pants, throw it in the laundry to you can avoid it until later)

- I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to
be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight
woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night." (Best...Phrase...Ever)

-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. (Before I had kids)

- Bad decisions make good stories

-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile
is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder
BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every
year?

-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would
probably just be completely invisible. (How many people read this sentence and started humming "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?")

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around
and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous?
Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem.... (Oh my God this could not describe me better...I am like, ok, do I say the whole name or just the first name. Where I am from, you mean city I was born, State, current district I live in...what. Then there always seems to be the obligitory "And name your favorite hobby" Who the f has time for a damn hobby?)

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when
you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive
for the rest of the day.

-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want
to have to restart my collection. ( I am on record right here to ignore anything past DVD's)

-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going
to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if
I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I
did not make any changes to. (I just keep hitting save for fear of total loss to my work)

- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash
this ever. (Seriously have a red top that has been in my laundry basket for over a year because the cleaners won't take it saying it is too complicated and I have no idea where to even begin)

-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching
TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me
if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's
only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we
still be friends after this?' (I have these internal conversations almost daily, but then I get mad and start thinking in my head, who cares if they don't like it, they can just leave Dammit! Then I feel guilty for thinking that. My life is complicated)

-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!),
but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail.
What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? (Pretty much happens daily when calling my mom)

- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing
anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. (That is why I tend to look like sh*t most days of the week and get all dolled up for special occasions. I get the statment "Wow, you really clean up well" almost everytime.

-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't
already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then
I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes. (At the gym I am constantly changing my songs to my "absolute favorite" songs instead of just "my favorite songs".)

-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed
for pedophiles...

- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but
no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. (Anybody who knows me know how true this is for me. Think it started when a bicyclist went through my windshield, but I could be wrong...)

-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
know what time it is.

-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood. (Yeah, why do they call it that? Like everybody who is thinking of entering parenthood decides to get all of their information from a free clinic)

-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer
when they call. (I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone in case it is ever stolen, I look popular)

-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to
with it.

-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys
in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but
I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet
away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...(I can never find my keys, but can always find the snooze button. )

-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would
happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that? (This literally occurs everyday in my car, but my kids ask more scientifc questions like"How come there are clouds in the sky some days and none on others? I feel like telling them "You will learn about that in 7th grade, study it, repeat it on a test, and completely forget the answer by the next week and never need to know the answer to that question again until you have children and they ask pointless, err, creative questions" Usually I just say "I don't know, ask your father"

-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on <http://cnn.com/> CNN.com and the
link takes me to a video instead of text.

-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive
behind obeys the speed limit. (Coming from the family I do, I know some of them would drive the posted speed limit on the bay bridge and cause huge traffic jams while laughing the whole way. It's funnier when you know the people)

-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday
night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they
had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at
the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then
estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such
a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing
like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner. (This happens every time I go to Taco Bell)

Seattle

2009-08-08T17:54:00.000-07:00

Since we have lived in the Northwest, we have visited Seattle twice and each time I have been there I have fallen more and more in love with the city (this could partly be due to us only traveling in the summer months and not during the rainy season, but really, how different could it be from Oregon?). Both times our visit has been to see the Seattle Mariners. We are not traitors to our Bay Area roots, but not being able to go to a baseball game whenever we like has been a huge drawback for both my husband and I. Growing up in the Bay Area going to see the A's or the Giants would be a regular occurrence. Since our visits to the Bay are always so hectic, we very rarely can fit in a game. Hence, the reason for us migrating up north to watch a game.
So we get to Safeco field and it is very apparent that their fans do not wear Mariners gear. This is very odd to me. I have been to many stadiums on the west coast for different sporting events, and this is the only place that the majority of fans are not wearing their team logo or even their team colors. It is really bizarre. (In defense of my family, I was not going to go and buy Mariners apparel since I already get enough &*A$@ for wearing Oregon clothing since I am an AZ WILDCAT and if we were to disrespect our A's/Giants family we may never be invited home!). The crowd seemed enthused and happy to be there, but for whatever odd reason, nobody wants to wear the Mariners gear.
Because we had company tickets, we had really good seats, but then again, I believe that this term should be used loosely. Were we very close to the field and could see all the action? Yes. Did we (really meaning me) get freaked out every time a batter was up for fear of a foul ball coming and hitting one of us? (The person directly behind us caught a foul ball. They were not knocked unconscious or anything, but, you never know!) The game was boring until the last 2 innings and then it got really exciting. This pretty much coincided with the kids reaching their boredom point and asking "when can we leeeeeeeeeeave"? We did make it the entire game. Mariners won. Kids were filled with junk food. All in all, it was a successful trip.
We ended up spending the night in Seattle and doing the tourist thing the next day. Thanks to Facebook, I got to meet up with 2 college friends that I had not seen in forever! We walked EVERYWHERE and the hills of Seattle should be in direct competition with the hills of San Francisco. Our calves were BURNING (all but Jimmy's who was napping in the stroller that we got him). We had breakfast at a restaurant called Portage Bay Cafe (highly recommend it). All organic and natural and super yummy food. We went to the REI flagship store (I really and truly believe that this is one of the coolest stores I have ever been to in my entire life!) and of course Starbucks (where Alyssa had her first cappuccino. Thought she would not like it...she proved me wrong). And of course, no trip would be complete without going to Pike's Market. I swear if I lived in Seattle I would go every weekend regardless if it was a touristy thing or not (Pier 39 is still on of my favorite places on earth).The food, the fish, the flowers, everything about it made me fall in love with the city even more. If you have never been to Seattle, it is a must. Full Northwest experience in one place. Just pack a pair of jeans, an umbrella and a NorthFace jacket, and you are set to go!

Henry Louis Gates Jr. Contraversy

2009-07-28T18:13:00.000-07:00

I am a pretty simple person and try to keep many of my views to myself. I don't speak politics or religion with others. I try to see both sides to every story so that I may form an honest opinion on my own. I read both MSN and Fox news so that I may try to dissect the real news story (isn't that sad there doesn't seem to be any news anymore that doesn't either lean to the left or to the right?). All in all I feel that I am a very fair person. The story of Sgt. Crowley and Professor Gates is just one that has sent me over the edge. To be fair, I may be biased since I come from a huge family of police officers. That being said, I find it disheartening that the media would play this out as a racist issue. It is totally ridiculous that Sgt. Crowley is being vilified for this arrest. Here are some facts:
1. He was responding to a call.
He did not pull him over or stop him on the street. He did not even make the phone call. He was responding to a potentially life threatening call. He was by himself. He has a right to be a little confrontational (I get jumpy when the doorbell rings, let alone try to figure out what I would do if confronting a possible burglar)
2. Professor Gates began speaking disrespectfully immediately
When did it become OK to speak harshly to police officers. I raise my kids the way that I was raised and the way almost everybody I know was raised. You respect the people that risk their lives for you. That includes anybody in the military, the police, firefighters, people in the medical profession, etc. You know what, no, that is not accurate. I raise my children to respect everybody. I totally understand sticking up for yourself if you are continually being disrespected, but I have yet to see or hear any evidence stating that he was calmly trying to explain to the officer the misunderstanding. Treat others as you would like to be treated. I find this to be very helpful in all aspects of life. Maybe Professor Gates should go back to preschool to remember some important life lessons.
3. The 911 caller is getting none of the blame.
I don't blame the 911 caller either. I know Prof. Gates had been gone for a long time, but if you got to know your neighbors, this situation would never had happened. Furthermore, if there is a case for "racial profiling" it is not against the Cambridge Police Department but for the caller. However, I do not feel that this is a case of racial profiling. I honestly feel that your average citizen would call the police if somebody was trying to break a door down, whether it be teenagers, men, women, etc. I truly, honestly believe this.

Here is the police report if you would like to read the submitted report
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0723092gates1.html
Here is a great article written by an African American male on his point of view:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32085686

Now that I got that off my chest I am now going to check in with all of my neighbors:)

Annoying Mom's

2009-07-22T20:10:00.001-07:00

So today I was sitting at the Eugene Swim and Tennis club and was forced to listen to these two "friends" get into a pissing match (in a friendly way) over their children. The first woman was watching her son play and commenting on how well he was playing:
"My child has improved immensely this year on his swing. We have been doing tennis FOREVER and the improvements are amazing" (really, forever, he is four... idiot).
"Well we just started my son in this tennis camp this summer, but he is just SHOCKING to watch play golf. It just amazes me every time. He takes lessons at the COUNTRY CLUB" (literally, she basically shouted country club. Guess she wanted us all to know that she belongs to the country club as well...OK)
So mom #1 comes back with "well, we looked into golf lessons, but it was just too time consuming with all of his tennis lessons, classes at Montessori, and piano lessons and tutoring he is getting from Sylvan to continue his advancement. I am pretty sure he is going to skip a grade" (by now I am staring at these women with my mouth hung open. I can be certain of two things. The child will be walking around his school with a giant kick me sign on his back and she neglected to include his daily therapy sessions that he no doubt needs).
Mom #2 couldn't one up Mom #1 so she changed subjects about the Disney Channel that the tennis club had on for the siblings that weren't in the tennis lesson.
"You know, we don't allow the Disney channel on in my house. The themes are just morally wrong and too mature for anybody younger than high school" (yeah, that is what teenagers do when they come home from high school. Run to turn on the latest from Disney Channel. Maybe if they are smokin something and need a good laugh, but that is about it on that scenario).
Mom #1 "I know, we don't allow that either. My 7 year old daughter went and had a play date over at a friends house and watched some of it there. She came home and said the word sexy (she literally whispered this word). I was shocked, just SHOCKED. I know she had to got that word from that channel" (I was thinking, sad for her, nobody around her has ever used that term in her presence. My husband tells me I am sexy almost daily, and let me tell you, I make sure he yells that word if anybody else is around to hear it).
Mom#2 "You know, my husband wrote in to the president of Disney studio's letting him know how inappropriate the content was on that channel. I mean really, come on" (first thought that popped into my head was a.) your husband is a bigger douche than you if he wrote in to a studio about "content" and b.) there is not one MAN I know that would ever, EVER, do something like this).
Thankfully, class was over and the kids came running out. My blood pressure seriously soared listening to this conversation. Here is what my conversations sound like with my friends at the tennis club:
"you want a drink?"
"Yeah, do you" :)

Things White People Like

2009-07-21T21:10:00.000-07:00

So there is this blog out there titled "Things White People Like". At first I was a little uncomfortable going to a website with that title because I was fearful that it may be racist, but it is not, just very ironic (a thing white people like). It seems to focus on things that 20 and 30 somethings in the middle to high income bracket seem to enjoy... and enjoy... and enjoy. There list now has over 100 items on it with descriptions on each one. My personal favorites are:

-Coffee: Still drink my 4 dollar coffee almost daily. Don't drink regular coffee but a non fat sugar free vanilla latte extra hot with a splenda. Seems too complicated to make on my own so I happily fork over my money for it to be made for me!

-Microbreweries-big in the Northwest

-Wine-Just figured out how to hold my wine glass properly but I do love my Pinot Grigio. I am not a fan of reds or people who tell me that I will acquire a taste for red's (though these same people said the same thing about coffee and now look at me, wait, nevermind, I still don't drink a regular cup of coffee)

-Having two last names-yes Wagner-Weir, I am looking at you:)

-Marathons-Just when I get into running and feel accomplished for completing 5 miles, 30 of my friends decide to start running 10-15 miles...a day. I will never be this dedicated and will always feel underaccomplished (not sure if that is an actual word, but we are going to go with it)

-St. Patrick's Day-Hell Yeah! Love this holiday, but it will never be the same after this year. Green beer, green clothes, kisses, green beer. What is not to like about this

-Hummus-I could eat it everyday (and often do)

There are somethings that I think need to be added to the list:

1. Reusable bags. Every single store is now selling them. Some stores (ahem, Trader Jo's) even make you feel bad if you don't have one or bring one in. Here is the problem I have with reusable bags. I can never remember my shopping list by the time I get to the store let alone the bags that I am supposed to have for my groceries. Plus, I always intend to buy 1 item and end up with 37. I think I would look like an idiot or a cheap ass if I only had one bag for my cart full of groceries. Furthermore, what is the social etiquette for these bags? I shop at many different stores (Safeway, Trader Jo's, Target, Market of Choice). Do I have to have the bags that correspond with the store, or is it chic to use them no matter if the name of the store does not correspond with the name of the bag. It is too much of a headache. Paper, please!

2. Homeschooling their children. Why is that now becoming more and more the rage? Are these parents aliens? Do they enjoy NEVER getting a break, ever, from their children. Furthermore, were they tortured in school and think that by the time these kids enter back into school society they will have no problems? I have no problem paying for my kids school, but I draw the line at converting my kitchen table to a desk top.

3. The term Douche. How did this term really begin ever getting used? It is really foul. No really, if you really think about it, it is really foul. If my origins prove correctly it started out by trying to give the ultimate putdown (usually between one boy to another) at calling each other douchebags. Than, more recently it has been shortened to Douche, D-bag, Douchenozzle, etc. The term is thrown around without a blink of an eye. ( I must admit that I do, on occasion, use this term. I think that I don't find it as offensive because I have never seen an actual douchebag, but can imagine that it would not be pleasant)

4. Ed Hardy/Affliction gear: See #3.

5. Summer scarves. Though the list does include scarves, I think summer scarves should get it's own number. I am sure that I am going to offend at least half of my girlfriends by printing this, but hello, the whole point of a scarf is to keep your neck WARM. When it is f*cking 98 degrees out the last thing I want is another article of clothing (sorry for the swearing, I am currently dieing of heat right now)

I am sure that you may be able to recommend a ton more and this may be updated as well, but these are the things that I have thought of recently.

My Girls

2009-07-20T21:09:00.000-07:00

Some people meet their best friends in their neighborhoods, some at college. Some meet in their fraternities/sororities and some meet people at work. Some are even fortunate to marry their best friend. In each of these categories I have some amazing friends that I hold very dear to my heart, but the girls who know me, without a doubt more than anybody else in this world are my girls: my best friends from high school (there is one very large exception to this rule with somebody I met at ERAC, became roomies with, and I believe lifelong friends with.)
I don't know what it is about these girls that make me so emotional. I can only describe it as a stripped down friendship. We just know each other. You can't pretend to be something that you are not, you can't lie, you can't be fake. You just are who you are (I am so poetic sometimes, aren't I).
Since I have moved away, we try to get together a few times a year for just girl time. The last few years has been easy to combine trips with bachelorette parties, weddings, weekend trips, etc. Trying to schedule a time we can all get together is often difficult but we always try to make it.
Our most recent time together was for my best friend Alicia's 30th birthday (which is scary because we were talking about her bbq that we had for her 15th birthday, and really, she would kill me if I even began to discuss her 16th birthday). We met up with Sasha for dinner but missed Kristin (my other half basically) who was sick. Sasha is planning her wedding and asked us to be bridesmaids in her wedding. We said "Of Course!" simultaneously (this is what happens when you are friends this long. You finish each other's sentences and think the same thoughts, not that this was a difficult thought to think, but you get my drift). Naturally, we had to celebrate so we ordered some wine and some champagne and some cocktails to hold us over while they opened other bottles of wine.
Alicia and I decided to go out and enjoy (re-live?) our youth. She took me to a place called MoMo's, a big hangout for Giants fans. It was pretty dead when we arrived and we got some very special treatment being that it was Alicia's birthday (probably doesn't hurt that she is beautiful as well). Had a shot to toast her and then a drink. My eyes started to go cross eyed but I said power through it, power through. So I did what any other sensible person in my position would do. I took another shot. Followed closely by another drink. The bar got crazy packed all of a sudden and everybody was talking about what an amazing game it was. Couldn't figure out why because it seemed like they won by a landslide of 8 to 0. I was so gone, I didn't even realize it was some monumental game for the first no hitter by a giant since 1976 or some crap like that. All of a sudden a man dressed up in a panda suit walked in (which still confuses me sober) followed by my infamous words "I'm Done!.
Being that we are now 30, we came home at the respectable time of 11:00pm in which I proceeded to pass out, throw up a few times, and pass out again. Leesh woke me up early in the morning and asked how I was doing. I felt great! Than I sat up:( Oh great, here goes that cross eyed thing again. Took a shower, went a layed down for a bit, put on half of my makeup, layed down for a bit, tried to eat something, layed down a bit, put on the other half of my makeup, layed down. Finally decided that this up and down thing is really not working for me so I just blew dry my hair laying down. What, you ask, am I getting ready for? Oh, just a grand day of wine tasting! Yumm. Just what my tummy is calling for!
We all meet up to drive into Sonoma and my sister takes one look at me and tells me not to puke in her car. Though my girls know me backwards and forwards, I don't think I could ever get anything past my sister. We put on some old school Bay Area rap that we grew up with (Think RBL, Too Short, etc) and laugh at how "gangsta" we used to think that we were. I can only imagine what the people thought when we exited the Infinity after blasting some of the most disgusting songs ever made. Oh Well. We got over it. We get to our first destination, Gloria Ferrer, or however you spell it and they have sparkling wine. To my amazement this (somewhat) settled my stomach. We stayed for a over 2 hours just catching up and reminiscing. That is the thing with these girls. We can talk for hours and hours and never try to come up with new conversation.
We hit up a few more wineries and had lunch in Sonoma Square. We decided to hang out at the Lotus Hotel and have another glass of wine (because we really needed just one more). Naturally, we bump into some guys we went to high school with and got caught up with them even though we were over an hour from where we grew up. Headed back and Leesh convinced me to rebound for night two (I only get a weekend like this a year, so I have to live it up right). Went out to dinner where my stomach still isn't feeling good (seriously, longest hangover I have ever had) and got ready for night two.
We met up with some of my ERAC girls and went to a club. I was one of 4 white girls there so I fit right in. Got to see a Dance Off and kept looking for Randy Jackson to see if he was dancing for America's Best Dance Crew but could not locate him. Evidently these guys were doing this dance off thing for fun. Hmmmm. I am out of it! Finished off a bottle of Grey Goose (between 5 of us girls. What, we couldn't waste!) and headed back.
Finished off the weekend with a nice healthy (read: high calorie) brunch at Sam's in Tiburon. Had a Bloody Mary or two there before my liver started to shut down. Finally got to see Kristin even though our time was too short. We began to talk about our next adventure, where we were going to go, what we are going to do, and when everybody is available to get together. We have an exciting year already (bachelorette party, showers, wedding) to make that many more memories.
I recently finished a book called "The Girls from Ames". It is a nonfiction book about 9 girls and how they have remained friends for 40 years. There is not a doubt in my mind that we will be there a few decades from now. We have dealt with each others first boyfriends, and first breakups, first loves, first marriages. We have dealt with pregnancy, heartache, illness and loss. Through it all, we have found the laughter that is the base of our friendship. I love my girls.

My Grandfather

2009-04-27T19:03:00.000-07:00

On March 17, 2009 I lost one of the most influential and positive people in my life. My grandfather was an amazing man who was very sharp and self sufficient to the end. He had a heart of gold and a beautiful outlook on life. I got to speak to him every night on the phone and we would just talk about the mundane things like the weather, different sport scores, people in the family, etc. When I first moved away from the Bay to Eugene he was one of my first visitors. He rode on a plane to come see me, only the third one in his almost 90 years at this point. We spent many vacations with him in Lake Tahoe where he loved to go and stay out all night gambling. One of my favorite memories was him wheeling my drunk husband to the couch after my husband had one too many at the casinos (James was draped over my grandfather's walker while my grandfather pushed. It truly was a sight to see!). This past August, my grandfather, along with my cousin, my husband, and myself went to the casinos and ended up staying out all night when he hit a lucky machine. It was pure joy to see the look of happiness on his face. During that trip, he fell ill and found it hard to catch his breath. We thought that it may have been the altitude but it ended up that he was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. This was really the beginning of the end. He lasted 7 more months and got to enjoy spinning around the neighborhood in his electric scooter and hanging out with the family during the holidays and his birthday but he did not feel good.
A few weeks before my birthday I got a call from him as usual just talking about our day. It was around 8pm. The next morning my mother called me to tell me that grandpa was sent to the hospital with chest pains. He was diagnosed with gallstones and operated on. He was in the hospital for over 4 weeks and never recovered.
On March 12th I received the phone call that I was dreading. It was time to go home and say goodbye to my grandfather. It was by far the most difficult trip I have ever taken. My sister called me up and tried to prepare me, but you are never prepared for anything like this. I walked into his big beautiful room and he immediately looked my way and said "Why hello Dollface". I broke down in tears, grabbed his hand and said some silent prayers. At that point, my parents and my aunts/uncles/majority of my cousins were out in the waiting room visiting with each other. It was my cousins Michael, Angeline and myself that were in there. Each of us were the oldest siblings in our families. It was very quiet and a little dark as we whispered to each other about how grandpa was doing. I quickly realized that his last moment was near and that I wanted him to go knowing how much I loved him and how much he meant to my life. We got to have a few little conversations and then I began asking him about my favorite stories (how he met my grandmother, the time he crashed a car at the age of 12 which caused him to never drive again, the time he threw a cat out a second story window...we loved his stories). I spent the night with him along with my Aunt Stella, my mother and my cousin Angeline. We had a little scare with my cousin Terra who was sent to the ER but that is a story for another day:). During the middle of the night I got onto my phone and tried to reach my cousin Matthew to make sure he knew how serious our grandfather was and wanted him to be able to talk to him. I sent a message to him on Facebook, and as luck would have it, he got the message right away and called us. He lives in Spain so contact is not always that easy. Matthew got to speak to my grandfather on the phone and he made reservations immediately to get home to see grandpa. Grandpa promised to hold on until he got there.
We all slept about 1 hour that night and was at my grandfathers bedside the entire time. At around 10am the visitors began to pour in. I can not even begin to tell you how much this man was loved. There literally was no room in that wing of the hospital to hold all of the visitors. All of his grandchildren, his daughters and son-in-laws, nieces, nephews, neighbors, etc were there. He loved having all of his visitors and talking to them about day to day stuff. There were almost times where I thought to myself "Is this really happening?" It was surreal. By 7pm fatigue began to hit big time and my grandfather, always concerned about others well being, asked that I go home with my father and get some rest. I was so scared to leave because I felt that if I was there, he would not go, but the family told me I needed to rest or else risk getting sick. I went back to my parents house (missing some Springer action when a nurse at the hospital made a heartless comment about my grandfather and my cousins stepped in) and slept a few hours and woke up to the phone ringing. My heart dropped to my stomach as I picked up the phone. It was my mom. She said she had a great time with her sisters at the hospital that night and grandpa had asked to celebrate St. Patricks Day early because he did not think he was going to make it to that day (It was March 14th). We gathered up decorations and hit the hospital for another day of visiting. We decorated his room with beads and st.paddy's decorations and began to visit with my grandfather and all of his visitors that came through again. My cousin's plane was coming in from Spain and he was scheduled to get into the hospital room by 4pm. My grandfather slept a lot more that day and his breaths became a lot more labored. We all prayed that he would hold on to see Matthew. Watching the clock was almost as agonizing as watching my grandfather. 4 o'clock hit and Matthew came in the door. He was so happy to see him and then he closed his eyes. Oh God, is this it? This can't be it. We all formed a circle around him, bawling like babies, saying personal prayers for a few minutes. Then grandpa opened his eyes and said "Wow, look at all of those beautiful faces". It was a humorous moment during a very tense time. We all broke away and began visiting with him and everybody else who was around. My cousin Alexia asked my grandfather how he was feeling. My grandfather replied "I feel beautiful, relaxed, well rested". It was a great moment. Later on that evening, my grandfather began to see things. I was sitting directly across from him when he looked out and said that he saw God. He had the most peaceful look on his face and we began to ask questions. At that exact moment, the window behind me whipped open and a huge gust of air hit me square on the back. I have never been so scarred in my life. My sister, my cousin Kristy and my cousin Sheila all looked at each other like "What the hell was that"? I swear if my grandfather had passed away at that exact moment I would have fainted right there. Alas, it was not that dramatic. Time went on and as the evening got later (and we had to endure being locked in my grandfathers room after a false fire alarm went off) my dad told me it was time to go. Again, I said my goodbyes, believing that he was not going to make it through the night. Again, it was not his time.
Sunday morning I woke up and my dad asked me to make reservations to head home. He believed that it was time to get back to my family as my husband had a huge business trip that just could not be missed. I refused to make the reservations until I went to see my grandfather. That day was a lot harder than the previous days. He was a lot more tired, slept more often and began to have coughing spasms. It began to be painful to watch though he swore to us that he was not in pain when we asked him. My dad made the reservations and my time was coming to a close. I honestly can not remember a time in my life where I cried harder or longer than on that day. This was it. No going back. I knew that this was officially my goodbye. I woke him up to say my farwell (may seem selfish, but I wanted him to know that I was leaving). He told me that he loved me, told me that I was a good mom and a good person and then asked if I needed help financially with my flight home. He was such a giving person. I left the hospital nearly hyperventilating (as I am doing now writing this) and went to the airport. I don't know if it was my lack of luggage, my tear streaked face, or my guardian angel but I was sent through special lines were there was no wait. I got home at midnight fearing the inevitable phone call.
The next day (March 16th) I did not receive such phone call. I received it at 8 am on Tuesday, March 17th. Though I was emotional, I did not reach the hysterics that I had expereinced on that Sunday saying goodbye. I like to think that I had finally made peace with his passing. I do know that those last 4 days played a huge part in my life and how I treat my life. He lived a wonderful life and now I truely believe he was finally at peace with my grandfather and his parents/siblings who had proceeded him in death. He also passed on the day that he had hoped.
Side note: For anybody else reading this, I appreciate it. I mainly did this post for myself so that I may remember those last 4 days while they are relatively fresh in my memory. Below is the Euglogy that my sister and I wrote a night before the Rosary. We read it at the Rosary as well as at the funeral. I hope that it adequatly describes that man that we loved so much.

EULOGY written and presented by myself and my sister.

Our Grandfather

To try to define our grandfather in just a few words is an impossible task. He was a beautiful, inspirational and loving man. He had an incredible heart that accepted everyone that was around him. Anybody who ever spent any time with him knows that he lit up a room with just his presense. No matter his age, he never lost his sense of humor. His laughter was contagious and his smile could melt hearts. He loved everybody and he was loved by all.

Our grandfather was a simple man. He never needed designer clothes or the newest toy. He just wanted his family and friends to have a good life and be worry free. He had so much love for others and he was so overwhelmingly loved by all. He was by far the most giving person that we have ever encountered into our lives. If he had a dollar and you were in trouble, he would give you 95 cents. That other nickle he would save in case you needed it down the road. His dream was to win the lottery one day, not for himself, but to make sure that his family was provided for. He would literally give you the jacket or sweater off his back no matter how cold it was outside. We know because he did this for us often. Having a person around him be uncomfortable was worse for him that he being cold.

He was fiercly dedicated to his family and friends. Anybody who knows him knows the story of his undying love for my grandmother that never wavered. He always spoke of his 3 girls and of his children and grandchildren. He was as much a part of our lives as our parents are. He came to see us off to prom and off to college. He was there for Sunday dinners where he got to know our future husbands and share stories of his childhood. He was there on our wedding days to give the most beautiful speech about love, dedication, perserverance and the ups and downs in a marriage. When we were in labor, he was right there in the waiting room, at times waiting all through the night. He was there when you needed a phone call and he was ALWAYS there if you needed to let off some steam and go to the casinos. He was there to evaluate the latest on American Idol or to give you sporting advice. We were so lucky because he was always there.

He was a grandfather to us, but he was a grandfather to all. His days as a crossing guard were some of the happiest times of his life. He loved all of the children and protected them as if they were his own. He would jump out in front of a car and blow his whistle to make sure all of the children were safe and he would make up songs on his whistle just to get smiles from all of the children. His dedication was even once featured on KTVU news on his impact for the school.

This is a person that will never be forgotten and forever loved. There are so many things to remember him by, and we recommend doing some of these things to keep his spirit alive:

- Tell everyone about your undying love for your wife

- Show a picture of yourself and tell the person you are showing it to not to faint after seeing how handsome you were

-Always bet the maximum on a slot machine. Search for a quarter if there are only 2 credits left because if you don't, that is when you will hit the jackpot

- Wash your hands before and after, and sometimes during a meal

- Check experiation dates on everything including can goods, vitamins and chips

-Make up words in foreign language and then make up what it means when your grandchildren ask.

- Stay up watching informercials and order what you see fit. Find the need for an ab roller, treadmill, electric broom or sandwich maker at the age of 85.

- Find a sweater that you love and wear it for 30 years.

- Call a daughter, granddaughter, niece or friend "dollface".

- Take public transportation.

-Take a spin on a scooter

- Start a story saying "I'm not B S ing you" and follow it with an embellished story

-Find the highest SPF lotion out there and put in on religiously (and make sure everyone around you has it on as well)

-Listen to spanish music on the radio even if you don't understand a word that they are saying

-Call your children and grandchildren, nieces and friends everynight to find out

-What they ate for dinner

-How the weather is in the town that they live in (even if it is a few blocks away)

- Who to vote for on American Idol

- Make sure that you are watching sports if American Idol was not on.

-Always satisfy your sweet tooth with crunch bars, almond rocha, butter cookies or rocky road ice cream.

- Tell your friends that they are family and tell strangers that they are friends

- Take a walk in your neighborhood and greet everyone you see.

-Trip your granddaughter with your cane in order to get an egg during the annual easter egg hunt

- Never leave home without your wet wipes and always offer them to those around.

First Born

2009-04-27T18:46:00.000-07:00

I received this fun little questionaire on Facebook and decided to answer the questions to the best of my ability. It appears that most mothers want to sugar coat there pregnancies/first few months of being a parent to not project the apperance that they may not love their child more than humanly possible. I disagree with this theory (as you will see) and also call B.S. to anybody who finds pregnancy "glorious" or "amazing" and that the first few months "are the most precious times of your life". I am not completely heartless. I love a newborn as much as the next guy, but I seem to love them more when I am not dealing with the sleepless nights, explosive poop, dripping boobies and a sqeezy water bottle that you do not use for drinking (any mom who did not deliver by c-section should know what I am talking about, wink, wink....
Anyhoo, here is the questionairre that I filled out

Hey Mommies - About your firstborn....Share
Here you go mommies - a different kind of survey for a change - it's all about your first born! Just copy and paste it in a new note for yourself! Tag 10 mommies when you're finished.

Let's see how much you remember!

1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED? HAHAHA
2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? Define Married???

3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS? Tears, lots and lot of tears (of Joy of course!)
4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU? NO WAY!

5. HOW OLD WERE YOU? 23

6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? Took a home pregnancy test.
7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? James and then Steph (well, I did not so much tell Steph, but she figured it out when I came out of the bathroom hyperventilating and crying... my tears of Joy!

8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX? No Way!
9. DUE DATE? April 15, 2003

10. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? Anybody who was around me during those 9 months of bliss knows that answer
11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE? Not throwing up

12. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST? People who told me that they loved being pregnant
13. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX? A Girl

14. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING? At first because I knew my husband (yes, we were married by the time I gave birth...stop doing the math!) wanted a namesake and I was determined never to do that again, but she was seriously the most beautiful baby I had ever seen
15. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY? NEXT!!!!

16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER? Yes, a few
17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW? I knew, and during the infamous Blackwood Baby Bash, I got to the be the designated driver to all my friends and my husband. It was such a special, special time.

18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY? Besides throwing up every 20 minutes, having my stomach acids burn a hole in my esophagus, retaining water so badly that I had cankles, it was very easy.
19. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? Alta Bates

20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOr? 28 and a half hours. Yes, that half hour counts
21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? James
22. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH? My hubby, my mom, my sis, my mother in law. Kristin (my best friend) came in, but she lasted about 10 seconds.

23. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION? NATURAL

24. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN? Hell yeah I did. I made it known that day I found out that I was preggers that I was taking pain medicine. If it was morally ok to have an epidural for 9 months, I would have done it
27. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 7 lbs 8 oz

28. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN ? April 17, 2003
30. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? Alyssa Lynn
31. HOW OLD IS YOUR FIRST BORN TODAY? 6

Perez

2008-11-19T16:11:00.000-08:00

So anybody who knows me, knows that I am completely addicted to celebrity blogger Perez Hilton. I usually start my mornings off with him (he is like my cup of coffee) and check in with him periodically through out the day. He is like a friend that I have never met or communicated with before. I know his likes and dislikes, his political views, sexual orientation, current crushes, etc. I know when he is traveling, when he is throwing a party, and after the party, who attended. I love the way he writes, his humor, and his special drawings. Like any friend, we have some tastes that are similar and some that are completely different. For instance, I mirror his feelings for Miley Cyrus. He can not stand her. I in turn, can not stand her. This can sometimes cause conflicting emotions in the Blackwood house seeing as I have a 5 year old little girl the completely idolizes her. For those who think that I am being a little harsh, let me point out some things about Ms. Cyrus:
1. She dresses like a slut. Now some may argue that most 15 year old girls dress a little slutty, but here is the difference. She is dressing for "her fans" which happen to be in the 5-9 age group. Having my daughter want to wear short dresses with knee high boots grinding on the table trying to copy her performance does not make me happy. Having to see her picture all over the place does not make me happy. She just does not make me happy.
2. She is a hypocrite. I could dedicate an entire blog about the hypocrisy of Miley Cyrus and her family but I will keep it short and to the point. In a news article I read in People Magazine (yes, I am obsessed with celebs, and no, I will not apologize for it) her mother was quoted as saying that she still gets grounded for not behaving and she only gets $300.00/month for allowance (pretty respectable considering she will soon be worth $1 billion dollars). I find this laughable as she is photographed riding a bike in Christian Louboutin Fringe Boots that retail for almost $2,000 (I may not be able to afford them, but I can spy Louboutin shoes a mile away). I don't know who came up with the brilliant plan to let some teenager ride around in these boots, but it pisses me off. If she were my daughter, I would have made her donate them to charity if she received them as a gift (or just wear them if they were my size. Just being a little honest here).
3. Her boyfriend should be considered a pedophile. If her parents were normal and like many parents out there, they would not allow there 15 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER dating a nearly 21 YEAR OLD MAN. It absolutely sickens me that nobody has looked into this and that they are so brazen about it. The are photographed everywhere together and and parents have gone on record about approving their "friendship". If my daughter even tries to date somebody nearing 21 years old at that age, he is going to be met with a restraining order at the door.
4. Her "Christian" beliefs. She talks about her Christianity being the foundation of her belief system, yet she poses provocatively, dresses slutty and dates 20 year olds. Nuff said. I would like a side note here as well that she has been photographed with her "friend" going into church. Both are wearing jeans and tank tops. I don't know where they were raised, but that is considered disrespectful in the church from where I come from.
Now, moving on, after my blood pressure has nearly topped the charts, to a person Perez and I differ in opinions. He loves Angelina Jolie. I hate Angelina Jolie. Her holier than thou persona just gets on my nerves. Her "perfect" family and "perfect" life just gets under my skin. I think that she is even a bigger liar than Miley. Here is my problem with her. She has 6 kids, with hopes for more. She is always just in "awe" of how amazing her children are. She travels the world with her children and plan on having more...way more! I would like her to walk in the shoes of a real parent for just one day and see what it is really like to be a mom. First off, there are no nannies. If you are planning an outing, plan on it taking at least 1 hour to actually get out of the house from the time that you begin trying. You will have to deal with dolls being left behind, getting into jackets, getting into the car, buckling everybody up, getting out of the car for the first bathroom break before leaving the driveway, undoing the jacket, cleaning up the accident because the first child did not give you enough notice that they need to get to the bathroom, changing clothes for the child who just wet himself meanwhile listening to the screams of the kids who are still in the car wanting to know what happened to you and needing snack/air/bathroom break. By the time you get out, you would have to put at least 3 if not 4 of your kids in a stroller (which means you would have to BEG somebody to go out with you in order to get out of the house and have them push the other stroller). By the time you get to the destination you have to change diapers, clean up mess in car, get drinks, get snacks and take the ones who are toilet trained to the bathroom. This is all before you go and do whatever it is that you needed to do. See my point. You never see her mentioning anything like that. EVER! Than she talks about how much her kids just LOVE to travel all around the world. I would like her to travel on a regular (non private) plane and see how much they LOVE to travel. I would like to see how she is going to entertain her kids who get antsy after 30 minutes asking how much longer until the get there, kicking the seat in front of them, needing bathroom breaks, having to change diapers while the person you do not know next to you looks on, meanwhile having 2, count them 2, nearly newborns screaming on the top of their lungs because their poor little eardrums are about to rupture and then trying to make bottles for them both. No, Angie, I do not envy your life! I do not care that you get to sleep next to Brad every night (who I am so OVER since he is a big, fat, CHEATER). I think that you are also a big hypocrite making everybody feel like sh*t because of all the "philanthropic" things that you do, yet, live in a $70 million mansion. It's their money. I get it. Spend it the way you want. Just don't make me feel bad because I did not donate to the 3 billion causes that she (or he) is constantly pushing down our throats.
So, in closing, if I ever become famous (I fully believe that this will happen in my lifetime) I only want to meet 2 people. The first is Britney. I have loved her since the beginning and nothing anybody says can make me change my mind. The second is Perez. I think that he is real, he is funny, and there is no way I ever would want to be on his bad side. If you have never checked him out, you must do so today. It is like you are supporting one of my closest friends, err, even though he has no idea who I am :)
www.perezhilton.com
http://m.perezhilton.com for all you mobile phone users.

Anniversary

2008-11-09T09:25:00.000-08:00

James and I were able to celebrate our 6 year wedding anniversary yesterday with a babysitter and a quiet dinner out. This was an easy decision after last year's debacle of me spending the entire day doing a home cooked 5 course meal and having a formal dinner with the kids. Though last years dinner was very good (in my opinion at least), the kids whined the entire time through dinner that they did not like it. I had lit some candles to try to set the tone for the evening, but that tone was quickly changed by the kids singing "Happy Birthday to You" (with the cha cha cha's included) at the top of their lungs and continuously blowing out the candles. Obviously, candlelit formal dinners are not typical in the Blackwood household. So this year, James and I got a babysitter, kissed the kids, and tried a new restaurant that is not children friendly. The food was awesome and neither James or myself blew out the candles lit on our table (but I was kind of tempted to do so for some strange reason).
Our anniversary is usually followed by some sort of argument in The Blackwood household, and in all honesty, it is usually me starting the argument (ok, who are we joking, it is me that starts the argument 100% of the time). Our first anniversary I told James that we should not exchange presents so as to watch our money (the time of year is always difficult with the holidays so close, so this is the statement made every year). Right after making that statement, I ran out and bought him something nice (I do not remember what it was, but I am sure that it was nice). When it came time to exchange presents James gave me a beautiful detailed card (kudos for him checking out traditional 1st year presents and finding out that it is paper), and I gave him his present. He thanked me for his present and I burst into tears. James looked at me bewildered wondering why I was crying (I am definitely not the sentimental crying type of person!). Here is how the conversation went:
J: "What is wrong?"
S: "Nothing."
J: "I know that there is something wrong. You are crying."
S. "Nope, Nothing is wrong."
J: "Are you sure? You seem upset."
S: "I am upset. I am upset that you only bought me a card on our first year anniversary." There, I said it.
J: "But you told me that we were not exchanging. I thought that is what you said."
S: "That is what I said, but I meant nothing big, like a diamond ring. I did not mean anything at all."
J: "So why did you not say that?"
S: "Because I meant it and you should know what I meant!"
Note: I do not know why I do this to him. I think there is some female DNA thing that has to set up tests for a significant other in order for them to prove their love. I am not like this all of the time, at least, I don't think that I am.
So year #2 comes and we agree (again) not to exchange anything. This year, I did not buy him a thing since he had not purchased anything for me the year before. I must note that I was pregnant with my second at this time, so I was already a bit emotional. That year, James took me to a 5 star restaurant and gave me a beautiful piece of Tiffany's jewelry. He had also sent 1 dozen long stem roses to me at work and gave me a cotton cleaning cloth for my silver jewelry in honor of the cotton traditional present for the second year anniversary. Again, I burst into tears at the table. James looked incredulously at me and asked "Now what did I do wrong?"
S: "I thought that we agreed to not exchange presents. Now you have given me all these presents and I did not get anything for you".
J: "I do no need anything. I just want you to be happy"
S: "I am HAPPY. I would be HAPPIER if you had stuck to what we said and not given me anything!"
J: "But I did that last year and you were upset because I did not get you anything. What I am supposed to do?"
S: "Oh, just forget it"
**Please note, even I am shocked he has stuck with me this long.
So after 6 wedding anniversaries shared, we now have it nailed down. I got a beautiful pair of earrings that were expensive, but not too expensive that there will be nothing left for Christmas. James got nothing (as he requested). No tears, no arguments, just a good day.
Lastly I have a selfish reason for loving my anniversary so much. The time between November and April is really my favorite time of the year for one specific reason. People do not judge me when asking how long I have been married compared to the age of my daughter. For instance, right now, I would tell people that we have been married for 6 years and that my daughter is 5. This makes me look very respectable. I usually get the comments "Wow, you guys did not waste any time at all" in which I reply "Oh, you have no idea". They seem to figure it out a short time later when they ask when my oldest is turning a year older. Oh well. I had a few moments of no judgment. A wise woman once told me that the first pregnancies are always the shortest. How true it is.
So I will end on this note, I love my husband. I love everything about him. I love that he is successful and compassionate. I love that he loves me and all my faults. I love that he believes in me and that not a day goes by that he does not tell me that I am beautiful. I love that he will come home from working a 12 hour day and make dinner because I can't handle touching raw chicken. I love that he is an excellent father and a good person. I love that he kills spiders, deals with snakes, cleans the gutters, puts out the garbage and does all the gross stuff that is needed around the house. All in all, I fall in love with him more and more each day and feel honored that he chose me as his wife (even if he is not a mind reader!).

Saying Goodbye

2008-10-21T12:58:00.000-07:00

Two years ago today James and I received the devastating news that our good friend, Matt Green, had unexpectedly passed away. He was a father of two beautiful girls and a devoted husband to Monica. His death has had a profound effect on our lives and our marriage. His wife is one of the most positive people I have ever met and I has been a true inspiration for myself as a person, a wife and a mother. Over the past few years, I have been hit with flashes of memories or even just random thoughts and the tears just start rolling along. Today has been especially hard, though for the most part it has become easier to remember him and laugh as well as cry. He was so special and I can not adequately put into words how much his friendship meant to us. He loved life, his family, his friends. He was just a happy person.
For those of you who did not have the honor of knowing Matt (and it truly was an honor), I will try hard to describe him for you. He was a 6ft 5 teddy bear with this inviting smile and loud laugh. He was so easy to get along with, and after the first time I met him, I felt that we had been friends together. I try to think what Matt would think of me crying right now while writing this. I think that he would be making fun of me mercilessly and then as he walked away, he would pat my back to reassure me that everything would be ok.
Matt and I worked together in the same office at Enterprise. I can honestly say, my days were so much fun when he was in the office. He was a little bit of a prankster and we would go the rounds playing tricks on each other. I think it first began with spitballs (I know, professional huh). Matt had come up with a brilliant idea one day to recreate his school days and blow spit balls from a straw at all of us. The thing that made it so much more funnier is that he would chose the time when you could not fight back at all. I remember talking to the police department on the phone and he came around my wall and tagged me right on the neck! I was stuck. I could not do anything as he kept hitting me with these spitballs while trying to concentrate on what the police officer said at the time. I started throwing random items at him from my desk, but he would not quit, and laughed is hearty laugh the whole time. I tried calling my boss Tony over and they ended up getting into a spitball fight on their own. That was your average Tuesday with working with Matt.
To get him back, I would use physical tactics against him. He had his desk facing the opposite end of the door, so when you walked into the office, his back was to the door. I would sneak up and pinch him right under his arm and leave bruises for him to show off to his wife. I never could one up him though.
One of the funnier moments (really, it was not funny for me at the time) was when Matt and Tony conspired against me with the goal in mind to try to kill me with embarrassment. Tony had one of those machines that make farting noises when you push a button. All of the guys in the office thought this was the best thing to be invented. Monique, Emily and I did not find it as amusing (honestly, the fact that we got any work done at all still amazes me). So one day, I think I was pregnant at the time, I begin walking across the office and every time I take a step, a farting noise would come out . For anybody who knows me knows that this is about the most mortifying thing that can happen to me. However, our Regional Vice President had walked in at that exact time and I was just looking like pregnant fool with a flatulence problem. Not wanting to get them in trouble with the machine, I pretended that I had no idea what was going on as did the RVP (probably being embarrassed for me). I left the office a full shade of purple while Matt kept hitting the stupid button continuing with the noises. I think that they fessed up, but I am not sure. I do know I walked back into the office furious until I saw Matt's goofy grin. You could never stay mad at him.
Matt was also king of the sling shot in the office. He made these sling shots out of rubber bands and paperclips that hurt like hell when the hit you (I know this because I was on the receiving end of more than one of these slingshots). The distance and accuracy he had always amazed me. One time, I think I was about 8 months pregnant, I bent over to pick up a dropped file and hit me right square on my butt. I turned around to him and he had this look of amusement and guilt rolled up into one. There was nothing you could do but laugh and wonder how an 8 year old found himself in a 30 year old body.
For all of the practical jokes he played on me, he was also a true friend. Whenever I had a craving for something during my pregnancies, he would run out and get me whatever I wanted. I remember making him go get me an ICEE from 7-11 (had not had one in years, and have not had one since). I drank about 3 sips before I was throwing up in my trash can. He was right over at my desk patting my back and holding the trash can for me at the same time. He was my surrogate big brother and I absolutely adored him. I also remember him coming from his first doctors visit with Monica when they were pregnant with Skylar. He came in, just bouncing with excitement to show us the sonograms. I had to admit to him, even though I was a few months further along with my own daughter, that I could never tell what I was looking at when looking at those things. He told me "You are looking at the most perfect baby in the world"! Then we would get into a debate over whose baby was going to be cuter:)
I miss him. I miss his laughs, his excitement, his stories, everything about him (well maybe not the slingshots, but everything else). I miss him trying to convince me to give James a "hall pass" (code word for boys night out) and his stories about the girls peeing/pooping/spitting up on him right before he was going for work. As much as I miss him though, I am so thankful that he was a part of my life and everything his passing has done for my life. I don't go to bed mad at my husband, or hang up the phone angry at him. I know that every moment is precious and that I have to live that it as though it may be the last. James and I had the difficult talks about what are wishes are in case either one of us passes after Matt's passing. Most of all, I am thankful to have developed a friendship with his wife Monica, and that she keeps me up to date with the girls, Skylar and Talia, and how much they are the constant reminder of how life keeps going. The whole Green family is never far from our thoughts.

Facebook

2008-10-20T20:28:00.000-07:00

So the last few weeks I began receiving a request almost daily to join Facebook by different friends. I have successfully avoided these social networks for years. They at times seem so invasive and way too informative. However, one too many friends told me I had to join so I gave a little information and I was off. I began with the requests that had been sent to my email and as soon as I signed up I had 10 friends. Wow, look at that, I am already feeling special! I got to see who stayed in contact with everybody, see some people I may want to reconnect with, some people I absolutely do not want to reconnect with but want to know what they are doing with their lives (and hopefully not very successful! God I am so evil.) I got to see their friends, their friends friends, their friends dogs, spouses, children, etc. I now know a ridiculous amount about people I have,nor will I ever, meet in this lifetime!
The first order of business was to pick a picture for my profile. I think I spent two hours going over pictures to find just that perfect one. My first choice would be to have one by myself, but how many times do you take pictures by yourself and not look like a total Tool? The pictures that you do have in which you are the sole focus is usually after a few too many and you are looking at whomever is holding the camera now convinced that you are a model, half closing your eyes (not trying to, but the alcohol won't let you open them correctly) blowing a kiss causing your face to slack on one side which ends with the result of you looking like you just had a stroke. Decided that that would not be the first impression I was going for. Then there is the alone picture, my personal favorite, where you take them of yourself (again, usually after a long night of drinking). You hold your arms out as far as they go, point the camera in the general direction of your face and smile a big cheesy grin. Because you inadvertently try to put your head at the furthest distance from your outstretched arms, the picture always ends up with you and a double (quadruple in some cases) chin, closed eyes, and about 10 inches of background above your forehead. Needless to say, the alone picture would not be featured on my page.
So next up, the most logical choice would be to have a picture of me and my husband. Unfortunately, we seem to be photogenic at totally different times. Every picture he looks great in, I have some funky expression on my face. The pictures that I did like of myself, he was not liking of himself. Personally, I think he is lucky that I did not post a picture of the two of us, because for once in my life I actually considered what type of picture he would want on my page. Honestly, whenever I look at a picture that I am in, no matter who is in it with me, I only focus on myself and how I look. I am pretty sure that this is common.
So finally, I chose a picture that I took with a friend this weekend. It complimented the right areas (if you know what I mean....wink, wink) and left a good first impression. (Let's not even go into the fact that I am computer illiterate and once I found the picture that I wanted, had to figure how how to put it on my page!)
Next up, inviting some friends to join your page. First I go to family since I am fairly confident that they will not refuse my invitation. Send an invite to my sister, my brother in law, my cousin Alan. You may know Alan. In fact, there is a very distinct possibility that you do know him because he has 926 friends on his Facebook account. That is right. Not a typo. 926. I am trying to reach 50 and he has over 900. Now I am feeling a little concerned. Does he need one more friend? Will he have time for a quick chat? Does he hang out with the Jonas Brothers? My God, his popularity knows no bounds!
Well, after that rude awakening, I begin to send out invitations to friends both old and new. I can tell you this right now, there is nothing more humbling then having to send an email to your 17 year old neighbor asking if he wants to be friends. Or wait, there is. It is seeing that he has 604 friends on his account. What the f*ck? How the hell does a teenager from Eugene know 600 people. He has so many friends, he has a whole different section of top friends. Oh Geez. I know I am not considered one of his top friends (I know this because I looked), but I am praying that he does not put me in the bottom friends list. That is even more humiliating than asking him to be my friend.
So after all that, I am actually beginning to reconnect with some people which is awesome. I also have not been able to leave the computer this entire day which is not good. I have been on Facebook for about 36 hours and I am completely addicted. I have not even been on Perez Hilton today. The fact that I am writing this now is only because I
a.) have another window open to continually check my account
b.) have a link to connect to this blog from my facebook account.
Hopefully I can get some sleep tonight....if I can tear myself away from the computer.

Cabo San Lucas

2008-10-13T18:50:00.000-07:00

A year ago this week, James and I were able to take a vacation without the kids to Cabo San Lucas for a week. We stayed at an all inclusive resort and got to spend time with some of his Aramark buddies. We ate, drank, sunbathed and went on a jet ski expedition. Here is some highlights of the trip.
We went down to Cabo for a week for an Aramark event and extended it out to celebrate our 5 year wedding anniversary (yeah, I can't believe it has been five years either!). Checked in to our upgraded room to find that there were, uh how should I say this, very open room amenities. The bathroom had an open wall, so if one wished, they could look out to the ocean while doing their business. It was separated by Japanese shutters that would continuously fly open. In case you are not getting the full picture, there is absolutely NO privacy in the bathroom. Now I know different cultures have different ways to spell R-O-M-A-N-C-E, but sharing all of my business with my husband is not how I planned on sharing our week together. He promised that we would work it out while I prayed harder than I ever prayed before that I would not get Montezuma's revenge! Only my best girlfriends could understand my mortification at this point.

Most of the week we just layed out by the pool, drank, and ate. If you have never seen my in a bathing suit before, my body is a cross of Jessica Alba and Jessica Simpson. If you have seen me in a bathing suit before, if you could please kindly refrain from responding, that would be greatly appreciated! Let's not ignore the fact that I was with a girl who did look like a Victoria Secret model the entire trip. We did end up taking a 2 1/2 hour jet ski tour while we were there. THAT WAS INTERESTING. Now I must say that going jet skiing in Lake Tahoe is quite different from doing it in the Pacific Ocean. We are getting our instructions from the instructor and he said as soon as we got on the jet ski we had to gun it or we would never make it over the 5ft swells that were coming in. Um excuse me? Yeah, that is not going to work for me. Do you have like a large ship to take me out to where the water is calm. Oh, you don't. I see. Well I will be just getting off this jet ski followed by James saying "Get on the damn jet ski". Now if you know me you know how I love X-treme sports just as much as the next guy (for those of you who do not know me as well, this is a complete lie, I can find danger in reading a book), but when I agreed to a jet-ski expedition I thought it was going to be a nice smooth ride. Well I was wrong. My heart is racing, I have the man (not helping my situation by the way) screaming behind us to GUN IT, GUN IT OR YOU ARE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT, James in Tim the Tool Man Taylor driver mode (more power, more power) and I just start praying "Hail Mary full of grace the lord is with thee, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, God d*mn it, I am messing up the prayer, sh*t, I just said the lord's name in vain, mother f*cker, damn, I just said mother f*cker when praying to Mary, this can not be good. OK, anybody up there, if you could please delete those last prayers and just save me from dying in a jet ski accident that would be greatly appreciated" (I swear this was what was going on through my head verbatim). So we go over the swell and land (hard) right side up. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You Lord for listening to my prayers. I promise that I will not say your name in vain except to send out this email. OK, so I don't promise, but I will try really, really hard. So as we are bouncing around, water is getting all over my face and eyes (so glad I brushed my teeth with bottled water), trying not to think of the feces and germs that are spreading over my body I began to realize that I was having fun. My behind took a major beating, but I felt good that I overcame my fear (and for all of you who think that I worry too much about the dangers of Mexico, let me introduce you to my husband who we found out today got a staph infection from the jet ski. Awesome!)
Later on that night, while I was changing for dinner, James caught a glimpse of my behind and literally fell off the bed laughing with tears coming down his face. WHAT, I said. He replied "You have two major bruises on your behind" AWESOME. Nothing like a moral booster to get the night going. Not like I am going to be in a swim suit or anything for the rest of the week! Oh well, I guess I will go have another drink to cover the pain.
The week was great, a well deserved vacation, but it was time to go home and see our babies. We had missed them so much and could not wait to be with them again. That lasted about 5 minutes until they started fighting again and I decided we needed another vacation!

Traveling

2008-10-12T18:45:00.000-07:00

For those of you who know The Blackwood's, you know that we travel frequently throughout the west coast. We are going to Las Vegas next weekend, and going to the Bay Area two weeks after that. We usually travel to the Bay Area by car, since air travel for 4 is so expensive, and it is usually an experience to remember. I pulled up an email I sent out from last year about our trip home after my sister's wedding. At the time, both James and I were feeling under the weather "read: hungover" and had to endure the 8 hour drive back home in a car (we now have a new SUV with DVD player: key in traveling). Reading this email made me smile, but I can promise you I was not smiling on that car trip home. Here is the email. Enjoy.

My sister's wedding was a blast. We got to see most of our family and friends and party the night away. I did not eat or drink any water the whole day and than drank an excessive amount throughout the night which = sickness by the end of the night. No matter. I woke up like a champ and had breakfast with my dad, James' dad, step-dad and brother for father's day and then like a champ (read moron) had one of my father-in-laws famous bloody Mary's. James and I decided that we just were ready to get home so we got into our heavily packed car to head home after a few visits. Since we travel to the Bay almost every month, we should have this drive down, but unfortunately that day was not the case. About 20 minutes into the drive Jimmy woke up from his nap and began saying he wanted out. Alyssa asked how much longer it was going to be. Only 7 hours and 40 minutes to go kids I replied cheerily. 20 more minutes into it, Alyssa needed to go to the bathroom. Got back into the car 20 minutes later had to stop because Jimmy was thirsty. And then they were hungry. Then they needed to stretch their legs. After all the bathroom breaks, drinks bought, legs stretched , dinner eaten, we got into the car, determined to make it home. (we were in Redding at this time. 3 hours away from the Bay yet 6 hours into our trip). Jimmy has started to speak and now has this cute (annoying when hungover) habit of identifying objects that he sees. At about 4 1/2 hours into our drive the sun began to set. Jimmy was pointing it out. Here is how the conversation went. Please keep in mind that I was horribly hungover with a migraine from listening to all the whining and crying from my children the whole day.
Jimmy: "Sun"
Mom: "Good that is the sun"
Jimmy: "Sun"
Mom: "Yes, see the yellow sun"
Jimmy: "Sun"
Mom: "Yes Jimmy I see the sun. Now sun has to go bye byes, bye bye sun"
Jimmy: "SUN"
Mom: "Yes, I see the sun, we are finished talking about the sun"
Jimmy "SUUUUUNNNN"
Mom: "Yes Jimmy I see the sun. The g*d d*mn sun is piercing my g*d d*mn retina's. We are done talking about the sun. Say goodnight to the sun"
Jimmy: SUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Mom: "I SEE THE SUN. I HATE THE SUN. IF YOU SAY SUN ONE MORE TIME I AM GOING TO THROW MYSELF FROM THIS MOVING VEHICLE. DO NOT SAY SUN ONE MORE TIME!"
James: "Are you OK?"
Jimmy: "Sun"
Mom: "ARRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
About 1/2 hour after that we stopped for our 7Th time after Jimmy threw up all over the car. That orange chicken we stopped for in Redding no longer seemed like a good idea. While James cleaned up the car (God I love that man) I got to hang out in tweekerville getting all of the cleaning supplies. I am not lying, the man behind the counter was so jittery he was making my heart go fast and had the full on uncontrollable arm twitches. OK Time to go honey! We tried to make it home in one shot, but in the end it was not the case. We got a hotel room 2 1/2 hours from our house, slept in our clothes, and left the next morning in the same clothes. We arrived home, and I thought "home sweet home" for about 2 seconds until we started to unpack the car. Now I have to unpack the luggage, do 10 loads of laundry, put all the clothes away, put the suitcases away, and air out the foul smelling car before I get to sit down. I swear, I am never traveling again....at least for two more weeks until our next trip!

Running

2008-10-11T08:01:00.001-07:00

So I am trying very hard to be healthy and active. Since we live in Eugene (also known as Track Town USA), I have felt inspired to become a runner. Well, not so much a runner, probably more of a jogger. This 4th of July, I entered James and I into our first 5K. My expectation were actually very low and I figured if I ran it halfway, I would be very proud of myself. We arrived at the beginning point of the race and my people watching skills (read, making fun of people in my head) were in full force. There were the very serious runners who warmed up for what seemed to be an hour, stretching, jumping in the air, sprinting, just doing all sorts of crazy stuff. They were decked out in their Nike gear from head to toe (Eugene is also known as Nike Town USA) and just ready to conquer the world....err race. Then you had the other end of the spectrum of the walkers (they walked 4 miles). This was a lot less serious of a crowd (my type of crowd) but some just were not serious enough. There were some people who showed up in jeans. Jeans. Jeans in July. Jeans on a 4 miles walk. There was also one family who were dressed in dresses from the FLDS catalog (actually, I think that there may be a FLDS ranch around here, because I see families like them everywhere). My favorite though, was a group of moms out with their strollers about to walk their first walk in years. They came prepared with a bunch of bananas, protein bars, cheese sticks, rice cakes, crackers, bottled waters, Gatorade, juice, and coffee. There were six in this group, three of which were not old enough to walk yet. I would like to remind you again this was for a 4 mile walk. I don't know. Maybe they were preparing for an earthquake or something.
So we are getting set for the race to begin and you can feel the excitement in the air. I put on my Ipod and James does the same and we are off. There are two things that I would like to point out here. I am now convinced that God is in charge of your Ipod shuffle playlist since the perfect songs came up at the perfect times. Number 2, people are a**holes at the beginning of the race. The gun goes off and James and I are being pushed, shoved, elbowed and kicked. It took a moment for this to settle in before my fighting spirit came into effect and I began to do the same. I followed James as he navigated through the crowd while my Ipod played Ludacris' "Move B*tch, Get out the Way" (It is a very catchy tune for those of you not familiar with the song) Anyhoo, after about 10 minutes James and I found a spot for ourselves in the pact and it was on.
The first water station came up, which was a good thing since I was so dehydrated I was drinking my own spit (I had not had anything to drink that morning because I forgot my water bottle at home). I was focusing on my run, and I saw the more experienced runners drinking and running at the same time, so I figured, I can do this. I grabbed a cup and tried to drink the water I so desperately needed. That was not one of my better ideas. I looked like a person who just had their entire mouth numb with Novocaine and then trying to drink water. I got nothing in my mouth and everything down the front of my tank top and running pants (both Nike, I would like to point out!). I then had to make a split second decision and decide if I was going to follow the running crowd and just throw the cup on the ground, or keep up with the environmental crowd that was dumping the empty cups in the trash. I dumped mine in the trash since there were people out there with camera's and I was too scared that I would be on the front page od the Register Guard tastelessly littering on the streets of Eugene. I also was still dehydrated, but did not know the acceptable social mores of drinking more than one cup of water during a run at the same water station, so I continued on thirsty as hell.
We take off past the water station and move onto the open road where the sun is beating down on our backs. I am thirsty, cramping and now extremely hot. I start to slow down to walk and indicate to James that he can keep on going without me. He did not need a lot of convincing to leave me by myself (I think I run a much slower pace than he is used to). Anyhoo, I see him take off and up pops a new song on my Ipod. It is none other than MC Hammer "Too Legit to Quit". (Stop laughing right now. I do not know why I love Hammer so much, but his songs pump me up while exercising). I begin to run again and I see James only a few feet away from me, but decide not to run quickly to catch up since I would enjoy setting my own pace.
I begin to look around at my new running buddies and start laughing when I see this man with his "partner" power walking in some nutters "aka: very short shorts". I really can not describe in accurate terms how silly this looked, or how even the most manliest of men could not look athletic while swinging their hips to and fro on their impressive power walking pace. I saw a fireman up ahead (Hello!), and some college students. Now I really did not have a desire to catch up to James! We hit the second water station ( I stopped to chug some very needed H2O and I took a second cup. F*ck social mores. At this point, I am close to collapsing) and I caught my second wind. I decided to catch up to Mr. Fireman and set him into my sights. Before long, I pull up next to Mr. Fireman and came up to two depressing thoughts. One, I was keeping pace (just barely) with the fireman who was in full uniform, including boots, jacket, pants and helmet, holding a large pole carrying an even larger American Flag. Two, the men who were power walking were still ahead of me.
The last mile hit and I was hot, I was tired, and I was over running. I kept wanting to stop to walk, but there were so many people cheering on the sidelines that I felt stupid to just stop right in front of them. Just then my Ipod shuffled to The Toadies "Possum Kingdom". The lead singer is asking me "Do you want to die" and I am thinking to myself, yes, I want to die. Then again "Do you want to die." Again, my answer has not changed. Then for the powerful note "DO YOU WANT TO DIE" Yes! I am screaming in my head. Yes, I want to die! Not only do I want to die at this point and time, I think that there may a distinct possibility that I am very close to death. The people on the sideline continue to cheer on and I am thinking to myself "F*ck Off! It sure is easy to just stand there and cheer isn't it!" (I was no longer in a good mood in case you could not tell). Then, from the sidelines, I heard the best news of my life. "You are almost there!. Just a little bit more" A smile came onto my face (actually, I don't know if you could actually call it a smile since I had severe pant going on, but my intent was to smile). Just then, the Ipod shuffled to Journey "Don't Stop Believin'" and that is how I finished my race.
After I finished my race, I encountered a lot of questions. The main one was "How did you do?" I am thinking to myself "Pretty f*cking good. I finished" But what people really want to know is "What was your time?" Why do you need to know that? I FINISHED, and really, isn't THAT the most important thing? Evidently not. So to answer your question, I averaged about a 10 minute mile. To me, that is not too shabby. To the average runner, that is not too impressive. Oh well.
There are two sidenotes on that day that need to be pointed out. One, my husband, who I love dearly, but only exercises twice a year, beat me by 3 minutes. I was more than annoyed, since my ass is at the gym 4 to 6 times a week. Second, the race was my idea. I registered us, I got us there, got all the information, etc. Who do you think got their picture taken for their website featuring the Butte to Butte? That's right. Mr. James Blackwood himself. I thought he looked pretty damn good running, but I would have liked some photographic evidence that I ran this event. There is always next year. The photographer, unfortunatley is charging an insane amount of money to get one picture, so I can not share it with you, but here is the link to his picture (and no, the woman in front of him is not me!)
http://www.backprint.com/view_user_event.asp?PID=bp%1BxFw&EVENTID=38078&PWD=&BIB=4526

Vegas

2008-10-02T12:14:00.000-07:00

So James and I went to Vegas to celebrate a co bachelor/bachelorette party for our good friends Jim and Alexis. We left Eugene at 3am to catch a 7am flight in Portland to Vegas. We landed in Vegas to the mild temperature of 110 degrees and hit the ground running. Guys and girls split up and the girls went to MGM Wet Republic pool where we had a bed and bottle waiting for us. As soon as we arrived, the girls stripped down in their two pieces and I was left all alone in my cute but conservative sundress. The girls (which I would like at this time to point out that none of them have children) could not understand why I would not get into my bathing suit. They obviously have not had two children with excessive weight gain during both pregnancies. They really have no idea what happens to a woman's body after children. Their naivete was somewhat entertaining when they promised that nobody at the pool would notice or judge. I chuckled at that notion seeing as I was already judging everybody around me and who had the best/worst bodies. They ran into the pool unable to convince me and I begin to relax on the bed by the pool. This lasted for about 10 seconds until I figured out that laying out in 110+ degree heat is not very enjoyable. The bed that we had did have a massive umbrella but the host who set it up had the area behind the bed completely shaded so that you could "tan/burn" while laying on the bed. Now (as if not calling enough attention to myself seeing as I am the only person at the whole pool who is not in a swimsuit) I am forced to bend over behind the bed, trying to get my entire body in the shaded area since I am too tall to stand entirely under the umbrella. The day just got too warm and I left for a nap and an air conditioned room.
That evening the girls and I went to Koi at the new Planet Hollywood hotel. We sit down and somebody immediately orders a round of Saki bombs. As I begin to object, I can see the other girls looking at me like "who invited the mom and is she going to be a downer the whole weekend?" and I convinced myself that I was a.) going to take the sake bomb, and b.) not going to throw up after taking the Saki bomb. Lucky for me, the Saki bomb was a success and the night took off from there.
We left dinner and went to Prive, a club at Planet Hollywood, and got table service there. This is key when going to Vegas so that you are not smashed up against other people who are drinking and smoking and "accidentally" spill their red drink down your brand new white shirt, or burn a hole into your arm so that your are permanently branded with a giant circle on your tricep. The music started, I began dancing, and the girls opinions of me soon changed. We had a blast and I had a few pickup lines thrown out my way to help booster my ego. Ironically, men in Vegas do not care when you tell them that you are married. They do however, run like hell, when you tell them that you are a stay at home mom.
The next day, the entire party met up at Tao Beach where we had a cabana and bottle service again. Seeing as I am no longer 22 years old, I apparently can not drink as much as I used to. That morning, morning sickness seemed like a vacation compared to the hell I was going through. No matter, we wanted to make an appearance and participate in our friends events for the weekend so we showed our faces (which no doubt were several shades of green) and went to the pool. The cabana had couches, chairs, air conditioning, flat screen tv, guitar hero, and again, multiple bottles of booze. Well, if University of Arizona taught me anything, it is that drinking always seems to cure a hangover. I began to test this theory, and ended up staying at the pool the entire day (again, in a sun dress).
That evening the parties combined and we went to The Bank at The Bellagio and partied all night there with table/bottle service (see a theme here?). We had a blast and rolled in to our room again at 5am. The next morning was harsh but we all agreed that this was the best weekend ever.

Camping

2008-10-01T19:56:00.000-07:00

I am pretty sure that some of you are shocked to see camping and highlights in the same sentence used by yours truly, but shockingly enough, I did have a good time. James rented out and entire campground for all of our friends to enjoy. The kids had a blast getting positively filthy (except for their hands which I continually had them soak in antibacterial soap), playing in the river, and throwing water balloons at mom (dad thought that was funny, mom, not so much). Alyssa caught her first fish ( a huge one) about 5 minutes into fishing, so her expectations are high for the next fishing trip. I read my People magazine during the whole fishing expedition. I do not fish. Things were going really well until a massive thunderstorm hit that night. Try to imagine being in a tent in a torrential downpour, with enough thunder to shake the ground. Now imagine that scenario with 14 children all under the age of 7 dealing with the thunder throughout the campground. Nothing says a goodnight sleep with children screaming in terror throughout the night! Needless to say everybody left early the next morning. EXCEPT FOR THE BLACKWOOD's. Ohh no. James planned for 4 nights, and so we are going to stay for 4 nights. The thunder and lightning did not bother me, nor the animal noises. Nothing bothered me until we were all alone the last night, in the wilderness (well, we were parked right next to the highway, but that kind of takes away from the story), by ourselves. Alone. We were settling down for the night when I told James that he had to put our campfire completely out because I was scared that it was going to start a forest fire (again, I would not describe where we were staying as a forest, but in my defense, there were trees). He tried to explain that it had rained for 8 hours straight the night before, but I was not having it, so he had to douse (am I spelling that right?) the fire until there was no ember in sight. So then we get into the tent and I suddenly realized that if there was no fire, animals may come and try to get into our tent or campground. I told James he needed to start another fire, and he explained to me, as calmly as he could, that everything was wet, so there would be no fire that night. As I am cuddling in to the bed (yes, I had him buy me a raised bed for our tent, not just an air mattress), I begin to hear noises. I became convinced, no joke, convinced that there was somebody out in our campground coming to get us. Has your mind ever played tricks on you like that? I have never in my life (well, at least while I was sober) have my mind convincing me of things that were not there. All of a sudden, I hear a twig snap and wake James up (for the 4th time in 20 minutes) and tell him there is an assassin outside coming to get us. My usually supportive husband who was a little more than inebriated looked at me with disdain and said:
"An assassin? An assassin" Who hired an assassin to come get the Blackwood's during their camping trip?"
Well his comments did nothing for me, so I sent him out to go check on things. He came back in, finding nothing, and attempted to go back to sleep. Needless to say, we were up by 5 am and out of there with no sleep at all. Oh yeah, my kids covered with the grime of dirt mixed in with sun tan lotion, mixed in with bug spray, mixed with river water got into the car and than Jimmy threw up. The more I think about it now, the more I have decided that actually, no, I do not like camping.